Dear Steve Vaillancourt:

Nobody cares about your stupid boner.

I want that tiger in king size, and I don't even own a king size.

If she's worried about how Payton will adjust to the world as a mixed-race child, it boggles my mind that her fantasy was to raise a white little girl in a white little town in the 21st century. Because dude, that little white kid is not going to be well-adjusted to the changing racial demographics and globalizing…

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I love urban fantasy. Charles De Lint is one of my favorite authors. I DID NOT KNOW THIS COULD BE PORN. Thank you.

So um... apologies for the derail, but speaking of romance, what *are* the decent romances these days? I believe you that the genre has evolved, but I haven't read any since I was a teenager and I'd really love a spank bank full of interesting, complicated characters and exciting stories to keep me going when I know…

I was 15.

Those are actually really good points. Now I feel like we should be celebrating this dude and his ass-pepperoni, not mocking him.

The first time I was raped, it was a much older man who was in a position of authority over me at my karate school. I didn't think I could say no to him, so I let him, but I hated it. When it was over, he asked me not to tell anyone. I really wanted to minimize what had happened to me, and I thought rape was something…

How about we try this one on for size: "My ex-boyfriend used to mock me for being unemployed, so I dumped his ass." Seriously, what's this dude's game? "Hey, I know nothing about your life but I want to feel in control and like to tell you what to do and have you listen and then suck my cock?" Hop off that thing and…

Same. My father was not physically abusive, but he spent my childhood making fun of me for the stuff I didn't know. When I think about his face, I remember more than anything a superior smirk. Because, you know, he'd outsmarted his eight-year-old daughter. He did the same to my mother. I spent my twenties with men who…

I had that moment too. "UGH WHO CARES" *click*

I'd personally say he's about 55 years old. Babies are cute when they try to grab your ass to pull themselves upright. And actually, that can go till about 7 years old during tickle fights, cause then all bets are off - Not to victim-blame, but you start that shit at your own risk.

I'm a 35 year old woman dating a 26 year old man who I have a great time with and who thinks the world of my plump body. Don't give up hope. Turns out there are all kinds.

This is why you keep a plunger in the bathroom. It's for your guests. Be as discreet about it as you need to but for the love of God, don't make your guests break up their own poops. I feel ya, girl.

Disclaimer: I snorted in laughter and temporarily awoke my cat (all is well, he's asleep again now) when I saw this. Because I'm sorry, but I just have a feeling Jesus was the kind of dude who'd be really good at oral. And thinking of him that way makes me respect him more, so really, this guy just did Jesus a service…

Eh. I use Dr Bronner's peppermint soap in the shower to produce exactly that feeling. Like I can breathe through my vagina. ...Or you know, maybe something less Mother Gaia sounding.

Thank God you told us. Or we wouldn't have known that. And our lives would have been the poorer for it.

If the girl with all the burgers is supposed to make me afraid of obesity, it's failing. It just makes me want a burger and a bob cut. Also, some peach-colored polish would look fab on her toenails.

Yeah, that's why I didn't blink and just wrote him off. I'm so over his shit.

I had asked that mutual friend about him after the killing rampage that one MRA dude went on. It suddenly occurred to me that this guy, Charles, was really angry and really entitled and it wasn't a stretch to see that in his future. Now I…

My favorite negging: An ex of mine who was creepy-misogynistic got back in touch with me and asked me out for a drink. I decided I'd go and if he had really changed, we could have a friendly drink and if he hadn't, I'd walk out. I agreed to go and he then sent a follow-up email: "I forgot that you're married now. I…