True to Louisville, his celebration was premature.

Gonorrhea.

“Can you get a pile of guns?”

Let’s see here - put people on drugs to regulate their emotions, potentially causing other side effects, or just being a decent fucking human being and stop chewing like a god damn farm animal?

Her opponent later admitted that it was the longest he ever lasted with a girl.

Trump’s interest is piqued.

They basically called it fizz jizz? Why would they do that??? 

Seriously? Saltines are garbage. You eat them when you have the stomach flu and thats it. Then 8 months later you throw out 3 1/2 sleeves of stale crackers. Its the circule of life

Oyster crackers you eat because you want to.

Prepare to have your mind blown. You can buy a bag of JUST these chips. First time I had them I ate most of the bag and felt sick the rest of the day.

Those brown rye chip things you find in Chex Mix are hands down the most excellent of all the chips. And yes, I’m the guy who picks them out of the bowl and leaves you with the refuse.

I have two girls and get that question all the time. Sometimes they mix it up and say well what if you could guarantee a boy next time. My response is always no. I wanted a girl and a boy. I got two girls. Zone defense is my nightmare.

Alien abduction for sure. That or he tore an ACL getting into the car and wasn’t wearing his life alert pendant.

(I was gonna go with “would you like to play a game” myself...)

This is what happens when refs choose not to “decide the game” at the end because people whine about that even though that’s the refs job.

beer on top of urinal is fine provided it does not touch the wall.

I’d go double or nothing that he eats the shells and leaves the nuts on the ground.

Can’t believe I had to scroll down this far to see the correct fucking answer to this problem.

In no way, shape, or form am I ever putting an article of clothing on a public bathroom floor. I’d take the risk of a miss-wipe over that.

I tell everyone within a four-mile radius whenever I get four nuts. I actually contemplate not eating it, saving it for when company comes over.