I’m just confused how clowns came up at all if you’re not implying that she looks like a clown, but it’s not a huge thing in my life so I’m cool with just stopping there. My day is going fine! Recovering from a migraine, got a cat on my feet. How’s life?

One time at work some coworker dude told me he’d like to see me without makeup sometime because he likes ladies without it. And I told him to shove it, because I couldn’t give fewer fucks what he likes. You are not that dude, and so I feel less hostile towards you. However, I still maintain that she doesn’t look like…

Uhhhhhm, I like her makeup. And I like makeup in general. And I’m super uncomfortable with snarking at women who choose to wear makeup. I don’t think she looks like a clown.

Third time somebody went into my parents’ garden and cut our sign down. Second time they’ve stabbed it. It’s going to keep going back up, fuck that.

I’m sorry he sucks. Only four dates in, and it’s easy to hide the sucking. I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to text him; you’ll just feel powerless and desperate. Choose to reject him for leaving you out on a limb like this. You deserve somebody who makes you feel secure. Maybe you wouldn’t even like him…

Pence, poignant? Puh-leeze.

Oh god. I still just tie two loops together. Looks like a bow, right? I guess that makes me a worthless garbage human, or whatever. I think that being a dick to kids is worse than lacking bow tying skills, but what do I know?

Related to Taco Bell but not the police or Rihanna but I have a picture of my brother ‘n new sister in law in the Taco Bell drive through on her wedding night, in her wedding dress. They’ve got a kid, you see, so after the wedding they decided to go out to some bars with visiting friends, and she stayed in her dress…

I cannot defend a word she says but thank you for proving that her eyebrows do exist. #eyebrowtruth

Hey, high five! I too refused to do the pledge of allegiance, with varying responses from administration.

You ain’t kidding.

The motherfucker actually sang a love song in which he told the woman he loves “it’s like you’re my mirror.”

I know that it’s a bit long but I really think your words would be best displayed via a skywriter. They are very important words and I don’t have anything better to share than the suggestion that people stop and read them. Maybe having a reply will help.

I have recently escaped from five or six years at a TGI Fridays. I feel like I have the experience therefor to tell you not to go to a TGI Fridays. Don’t. Please don’t. Trust me, I only want to help.

Pretty sure the reason why they stopped requiring flair was that movie. However, they did attempt to motivate their employees by offering some very sharp pins that caught on everything as a reward. Not sure why they didn’t just give the people free food, which is what we really wanted; across the board, people who…

I know, right?! Look, a year of ballet as a limber little kid couldn’t teach me how to do a cartwheel on the GROUND but man I’d love to do one on a beam. Not happening, though.

Ugh. It mostly makes me wish all the society-wrecking morons away to an island somewhere that they cannot escape- it’s comfortable but there’s no Internet so they can’t keep stupidifying humanity from there. And they can be as crazy right-wing as they want, and reign supreme over the seagulls. This is what I’ll…

Oh. My. God. Please say you’re joking. Please say that somebody so utterly incoherent hasn’t made it this close to being president. I’m prone to some relaxed sentence structures myself but that is absolute jibberish.

Smiling periodically is one of my 100% must-haves for any attraction to take place. When it’s all pictures of somebody glowering I don’t really want to get to know them. Ironically, I’m pretty sure I look way better in pictures when I don’t smile.

I find it appealing when a dude doesn’t look like some salty, sullen brooder. Bring on the doofy smiles, I’m into it! Better a goober than a jackass.