this just all seems like so much work. I enjoy my routine of feeling shitty about myself and then drinking until I don’t feel that feeling anymore.

And if I’m noticing a little weight gain I just switch to clear liquors and toast for a week and I’m golden.

Then she’s doing something wrong if is still only an ‘8'. I roll out of bed, look in the mirror and think ‘fuck yeah!’.

My wedding treatment splurge has been laser tattoo removal on the back of my neck. Its been pricey as hell and the healing process is an slight inconvenience, but my teenage standards of what looked ‘cool’ have almost been competely erased FOREVER. Worth every penny.

I looked 11/10 on my wedding day, and I raided my own closet for a vintage white shift dress, did my own hair and makeup, and made a gorgeous ranunculus and peony bouquet at my local florist in the morning before sauntering over to the courthouse with my beloved. It can be done!

I did none of this. Not even close. Still got married. Still had a wedding. Still married seven years later. Husband still loves me. Hm. I think she wasted a shit ton of money.

I was thinking of buying some Glossier skincare but now.....thanks for saving me some money, Jia.

Jesus christ but this is exhausting. What’s the purpose of all this? Is the groom going to run away screaming when he sees you coming down the aisle if you don’t starve and pluck yourself into oblivion for six months beforehand?

I imagine he may have trimmed his nose hair, so yes.

My hair hadn’t even dried by the time I took my vows.

“It’s called colonic irrigation, darling, and it’s not to be sniffed at”. — Edina Monsoon

She would have produced a single desiccated Rabbit pellet, not unlike a neolithic raison methinks.

I’ll definitely forward this advice to my sister for her wedding. She will be thrilled to add colonics, the worst diet ever, stressful massages, and butt-prodding, to her current pre-wedding regimen (read: living life like she always has), all to be 8/10 happy with how she looks.

After the 3rd or 4th marriage, the bills for all this shit are going to start piling up.

I miss the traditional Wedding prep, no alcohol and a rush to the alter because you’re 3 months pregnant.

If I spent this amount of time and money on my wedding day look and still felt 8/10 happy about the outcome, I would seek a refund from every single vendor. For that amount of time and cash, one ought to feel 11/10 happy with how one looks on the wedding day. Sheesh.

How did the groom-to-be prepare for the big day, and was he happy with how he looked?

“currently trying to drink enough water to stay alive.”

I was trying to describe my approach to health and beauty to someone yesterday, and this is what I should have said.

I thought there'd be more deets about the colonics. Don't leave us hanging Jia.

The fact she only rated herself 8/10 happy with how she looked on her wedding day bums me out, especially after the hardship of all the above. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

Well, sure, the best way to prepare for your wedding is to have fluid-spewing objects shoved into various orifices. What am I missing here?