There have been eleventy GOP debates to the Dems’ 0.75, and all their scary, nation-ending policy positions are obvious by now.

At the risk of sounding like Jeb!ette, where can I get a watch that JUST tells time? I’m looking for something with a basic-as-in-simple dial and a black band that will survive the nuclear apocalypse as well as accidental falls from tall buildings, drink spillage, and being emphatically tapped on a desk. Something…

Totally. I’d try Opus One for the hell of it, and boxes and screw tops would no longer have a place in my cupboards.

That’s basically mine. Set up my parents and myself for life with a 1%-ish income, then let Jimmy Carter decide where the rest of the money could best be used.

And most of us would take that money to buy a fancy coffee or name-brand deodorant or something else unnecessary. Sorry, Bernie.

“Can you believe that we’re both sitting in this Oval Office?”

So Republicans are opposed to family values now that a Democrat took up the “I’m best for the families” banner. Or perhaps it’s simply different aspects of the family they value, like a wife who’s a homemaker and a bunch of photogenic kids to pose for Christmas cards while holding guns.

I’m of the same mind. Not to get all serious, but...yeah, let’s be serious. Jokes that dilute the original meaning of a term need to be assessed in context, and the context here is a (I’m guessing, and on average) majority white American reader base lacking a deep understanding of African-American culture and systemic…

Hey, me too! I got to go thanks to scholarships that lasted only four years and were contingent on getting mostly A’s. Also, I worked and commuted from the affordable part of town, so I couldn’t rush anywhere. Even the coed honors frat had mandatory events that went until after the buses stopped running for the night.

They probably want their brand to project more dignity and competence than that would entail.

No worries, I see where you’re coming from. After a short adjustment period when I first got it, I realized the Kindle is clearly better for travel-time leisure reading in particular.

This was the late 90s, I think? So pre-Kindle. I now have a Kindle that is amazing whenever I remember to charge it, but I still default to thinking book = paper. Oops.

It’s surprisingly good for a Serious Modern Novel, but carrying it around in my purse eventually broke the strap. It’s advisable to read something lighter.

I’d hire him to plan my least favorite cousin’s wedding, but he would probably give an unsolicited toast and complain about not having enough time.

Between all Carly’s “boardroom brawls” and Donald Trump, it's starting to look like MMA should add a business division.

Thank you. We all need this.

Alas, poor Tony the Rat. I knew him well.

I already have access to a website where I can look at a bunch of white guys’ photos. It’s called the internal company directory.

Exactly. He’s a transparently out-of-touch plutocrat. The others look more like existential threats, although I know on an intellectual level that they’ll accomplish maybe 5% of the obviously psycho parts of their agenda should they win.

Oh, just you wait. He could get the key endorsement of someone associated with Lindsey Graham, which would totally turn his campaign around. Or he could change the exclamation point to an interrobang, which would demonstrate a sense of clever self-awareness that would really lock down the 11-17 demographic.