Correction- convicted cocaine dealing conservative.

Tim is confusing “being persecuted” with “not being a popular entertainment figure anymore.”

Everyone knows that there are two things that always make a joke funnier: 1. Explaining it, and 2. Berating the listener for not liking it. It’s the tactic used by racist uncles and overbearing supervisors since time immemorial and it never fails to create comedy gold. 

I mean, there’s a reason he went after Jay and not Eminem...

Well at least I can still get a wide assortment of cheap remote controlled vehicles at Radio Shack!

As The First Wives Club taught us, there’s only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. I’ve thought a lot about that quote in the past year.

The Kay-Bee Toys is still at the mall, but the mall closed.

Well, as long as we still have Kay-Bee Toys, I won’t ever have to throw myself through this plate glass window and into traffic.

The toughest part will be having to re-home Geoffery Giraffe. it’s tough, the older ones don’t get adopted that easily.

Climate change denial is not just a river in climate change deegypt.

This is me for all horror movies.

I never ever want to watch this but now I want to know every single thing that happens in it

Netflix went on to say that Bright was particularly popular with subscribers’ Canadian girlfriends.

Let’s be 100% honest here. If the story had featured a male teacher and a female student, we wouldn’t be so blasé about it.

We’re all just living in a Matrix-like simulation anyway. So technically, none of us even exist in the first place.

Pontus Pilate was a real governor in Judea, but there’s no hard evidence connecting him to anyone named Jesus at all (there’s also no records of crucifixition in Jerusalem except one nail with bone around it that was found at a dig site, which is displayed in the Israel Museum). There are no non-Christian sources…

At least they had the wherewithal to put it there, rather than on a .gov site, which would be been autocratic as fuck.

I laughed ‘til I stopped!

Critics all agree! It can be watched!