That’s amazing. When I had lash extensions (which I looooved) and people complimented them, I would proudly proclaim “THANKS! THEY’RE FAKE!!”

DID YOU ASK HER IF KIDNEY TRANSPLANTS FALL OUT AFTER THREE WEEKS?

Someone I know who gets lash extensions got sooo offended when I called them false lashes. She informed me that it was exactly the same as getting a kidney transplant, they were a part of her.

jia, i miss you already and to show my support i have taken my parents’ login for subscribed to the new yorker.

Well, damn. You have been tremendous here. Thanks for everything.

But these guys are wanking to their own words more than anything else.

I like this game! I'm going with Hatefully Hazel for mine.

“She leaned over me, her divine hair blazing in the sun—I don’t know what she was wearing—and she cooed, ‘stick your prick in me.’ Her celestial body descended, like a pilgrim, on my throbbing pecker. I failed to satisfy her lusty heaving body. Humiliation scourged me, her impossibly large eyes resentful. I regretted…

On the contrary I think this dude had painfully blue balls while writing this.

Wow, I rolled my eyes so hard at all his weird, gross, patronizing blathering that I’ve lost track of them. I think they’re around the corner having a coffee. I need to buy those things a cell phone. Idek how I’m typing this.

I crossed Australia off my list of places to visit because it seems everything there wants to kill ya but now that I know it’s like America was 50 years ago and I can get “throwback people” I want to go there.... even less.

I’m really intrigued by the “what was she wearing who knows I can barely remember!!” trope. Like its def what you said, a performative attraction thing, that they’re so bowled over by beauty the background details fade, but it also seems totally about masculinity, too. “I dunno about fashion stuff but her face and…

She was “impregnated by” because she’s just a passive sail.

So real talk: weight gain or loss should be an off-limits section of writing, especially when a woman is carrying twins, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THE TWO BABIES WERE GOING TO GROW. “Bellied out like a sail” Jesus Christ. Also the way he describes women makes it clear he is still waiting for his manic pixie dream…

I love how uncomplicated this makes my hot mess of a life look.

Blac Chyna is blessing this family with the only name heir. I hope she has a son and I hope she names him Paris. haha

But why? She isn’t flying the plane. And ecstasy doesn’t usually result in people getting extreme or violent. I guess I can understand that they're in a confined space, but even then I don't really see the problem. People drink on planes and I'm pretty sure drinking causes worse violent or extreme reactions in people…

Konspiracy theory: Tyga and Blac are working together to kon the klan.