@I'm Hafner the man I used to be: Ask a woman if she can go through the whole day without rearranging her hair. It's impossible. Same damn thing.

@Joewithay: And forwards in post-crash reproductive health.

Also winners: The NBC Sports reporters who now have another story to run with other than "There's more to Bode Miller than being a talented, but obnoxious overaged frat boy and we'll keep running this story until you believe it."

My kid was born by c-section. There was no way in hell I was ever going to be on the other side of that curtain and see that the lower half of my wife looked like it lost a fight with Ellen Ripley.

As snow-cross, ski-cross, short-track and any event containing the words "mass start" have shown us, the solution is always to add more competitors.

@Phintastic: Same here. With my son in the seat, laughing like a loon.

@SundaySunday: I'd love to see them as guests, but when they do the hot lap, each has to do it with the other brother riding shotgun.

P.J. O'Rourke. He's witty, he has an automotive journalist background, and has that aging cranky libertarianism that makes Clarkson so appealing. And then get someone "pretty" with only mild automotive knowledge for the other two to make fun of.

Aaand Penn State has now moved from Happy Valley to Uncanny Valley.

I never had an urban theater experience, but I did see "Blue Chips" in Champaign, IL. The otherwise mild-mannered pasty folks in the theater booed the whole time Bobby Knight was on screen.

@UTC: It's worse than that. One of these titles is a free ebook from Barnes and Noble. So someone out there thinks that there's a subset of NASCAR fans interested in non-illustrated smut on an ebook reader.

Probably an urban legend, but growing up I heard that when the Bidwells started talking about moving The Buzzsaw in the 80s, a couple of disgruntled St. Louisans had trademarked "Phoenix Cardinals" and "Jacksonville Cardinals" (and probably a couple other names) just to screw with ol' Bill, which is why they're now…

I said $5-10 dollars, but had new releases in mind when I did. That figure is much less for anything out in mass paperback.

One of my in-laws' neighbors has a garage just a few inches wider than his small-by-KDM-standards car. The guy pulls up to the garage, kills the engine, leaves it in neutral, gets out, locks the door, and pushes the car into the car-hole. There's about an inch of slope to the floor, so it takes him a bit of effort…

Anyone after George Carlin as The Storyteller on the US version of "Thomas the Tank Engine"

Don't get the one with Japan's flag on it. It's self-stabbing if they lose early.

1. Business trip from Chicago to central Wisconsin. Four people in a full-size passenger van the driver demanded as an upgrade because he couldn't wait for the Town Car he reserved to be pulled around front. I rode shotgun for 4 hours while said driver ate McMuffins, talked on his phone (gesturing constantly), and…

What's the over/under on the number of stories that involve dorm fire alarms?

@Barry Lutz: I demand a photo of said alleged girlfriend in front of a monitor showing the knocker shots from today's Jambaroo column.

@SteveJeltzFan: Father of a three year old. I haven't seen live football before 8pm in two years.