Serious. He got burned pretty badly by the early coverage of his career and has wisely decided that saying as little as possible is the easiest way not to get in trouble. He absolutely will talk to reporters and stuff, see his Vice interview if you haven't, but he really wants to do it on his own terms and in a place…

"How's your mom doing?"

Nah. Cheese dust is proof of our scientific superiority over our ancestors. Pure corn chip lovers may as well be offering up sacrifices to Centeotl.

Right here. Plain tortilla chips just don't do it for me. Non-plain tortilla chips are clearly a violation of the code. Frankly I'm spite voting anyways, because fucking kettle chips not being in the finals is a fucking travesty.

Aztec corn god. I respect your anti guac stance. Are you truly of the opinion that tortilla chips sans other coverings are superior to nacho cheese doritos? I mean, we'll have to agree to disagree but at least you'd be being honest, unlike all these other mofos.

Look at this weak sauce. We both know you chose the ridged chip for it's 'versatility'. Versatility is code for 'I'll use this lame chip to convey something actually tasty to my mouth.' Newsflash boyo/girlo, kettle chips can convey sauces as well. They don't need to, but they can.

I made it 50/50 with my vote. Can't believe how many people voted for tortilla. Plain tortilla chips are an abomination, but that's what the people want, apparently.

Look, the brackets are for that item by itself. Just Nacho Cheese doritos, or just tortilla chips. No dips, no cheese melted on top, no nothing. I know that it's hard to admit that tortilla chips aren't actually good, but you're 9/10ths of the way there. All you have to do is admit that whatever you're putting on them…

Please. We all know you're fucking eating those chips with guac or some other lesser dip. Fucking heathen with your false piety. Don't even pretend like you're just going to eat them plain. Nacho-Cheese Doritos are blessed by Centeotl Himself.

Hahahah, I voted and made it exactly 50/50. You all voting for tortilla chips are jamokes by the way. Like, don't even fucking pretend you aren't going to drown your precious corn chip in some kind of dip. If you were voting for chips and dip, it'd be in the fucking name. Enjoy your stale non-flavored corn though.…

Kettle Chips are amazing and you and your brethren are sad. No threats of purging, none of that. If you want to eat inferior chips that's your business.

Maybe just leave him alone and ask players who like talking. Dude does what he does well, but interviewing is clearly not it.

Nah, sports media could do actual investigative journalism just fine if they wanted to. None of them are editorial page material though, and what would they do with all their hot takes?

Nah, he's got a whole speech prepared. He whips out this document he's had the entire time and just goes to town. It opens with "Prithee sirrah, how canst you query me on this a day of such rejoicing?" and goes for a solid hour.

I feel like you've never been to the backcountry if that's a look you're unfamiliar with.

Nobody sane cares about MLB. We just use it as containment for the kind of people who do care about it. Keeps 'em off the streets and out of trouble.

So we shouldn't be angry that they cheated because they're bad at cheating?

Eleven out of twelve is pretty solid evidence that something happened. If they'd argued it wasn't deliberate then we could have a conversation. To argue that it was atmospheric pressure and all the other bs they came out with? Nah, that's lying after you've been caught.

You can dip a kettle chip. You don't need to of course, because kettle chips are good, but you can. That tortilla chips are even on here speaks to how much this contest has never been about the best snack. It's always been about the best snack and dip, which frankly means it's about the best dip.

You're sick and every single person who votes for tortilla chips is as well. Look at you, pretending this vote has any sanctity when we all know you're putting dips on those (bland, tasteless, pathetic) tortilla chips. The ultimate snackfood? For fuck's sake, you might as well just x out tortilla chips and write in…