Mmm, such delicious saltiness to add to my kettle. Another point in kettle chips favor, you can literally cackle witchlike as you throw innocent seasonings into your cauldr—-kettle. (Not a witch.)

Fat is the best part of eating a snack. Unless you're going to deep-fry them twice nothing is more deep-fried than kettle chips. That this was even a contest speaks of some unholy bargain on the part of the ridged chip aficionados.

They're literally the best version of potato chip that current technology allows us to have. Those bastards in the future will have something better, no doubt. It won't be better by much though.

Well damn, I've failed my Turing test then.

Then why do they all have these bizarre ball requirements?

It's a choice you don't like and aren't willing to accept. That doesn't make it wrong. Your inability to accept other people's choices is a flaw on your end, not theirs.

Then why do they all have such specific tolerances and desires for the balls in the first place?

It's just a choice. You made different choices, but that doesn't mean you're freer.

What have they done to earn the benefit of the doubt? How many times do you catch them with their hand right next to the empty cookie jar before you put them in timeout?

It is though? I mean either he genuinely can't tell the difference between legal balls and deflated illegal balls, in which case he would be apparently the only QB in the history of the sport who can't, or he's lying. I mean it's a pretty binary choice.

It is probably less trivial to people who devoted significant chunks of their lives to it.

Or don't. You don't have to be a moral less monster.

So we should reward them because they're bad at cheating?

Do basically because they're bad at cheating it shouldn't count as cheating. Gotchya.

Just refer to them as Superbowl* rings. Just add the asterisk to everything having to do with the Patriots*. Coach Belichick* should be barred from the NFL.

They're probably wondering why a sixteen year old (because that is as old as you're allowed to get before you realize Diet 'Mountain Dew' is an abomination unto Fructor god of heart disease) is in the office.

I think sports are a mirror into our society. What we celebrate vs what we tolerate condone and condemn says a lot about us. Cultural anthropologists could write papers on it, this particular thing and what football inflation says about our beliefs in the spirit of competition. I'm not trying to be highbrow, but…

Christ I hope they manage to scuttle this. Fuck the IOC and everyone who willingly associates themselves with those bastards.

Please start referring to them as the Patriots*.

You mean the team that had an entire season (justifiably) ruined by the consequences? Or did someone besides the Aint's get in on the action?