When Mark Cuban does it, it’s Shark-tanking.

“48 minutes? That’s like four games!”

Mike Brown’s only concern is, “Whaddya mean he won’t play for free?! Doesn’t he know he’s damaged goods?!”

Prediction: Mitchell’s team goes further in the playoffs than Simmons’ does. Processors everywhere horrified to learn that losing early in the playoffs does not grant you a cushier spot in the next year’s playoffs.

Has Impact Wrestling offered him a contract yet?

Here’s hoping Kondabolu never develops a severe drinking habit only to realize that Barney Gumble was not portrayed in a favorable light.

To paraphrase Churchill, any further discussion of Ms. Shen is merely haggling over her price.

“But, you don’t understand. They were paying me...MONEY...to do this! Clearly, you can see my hands were tied! My only other option would have been to make...*shudder*...LESS MONEY! Like the little people!”

The funniest and stupidest part is that she showed up wearing a sweatshirt that says “Féminin,” which I initially misread as “Feminist” but in fact is just the French word for “female.”

Such concern!

Fleetwood Mac songs are specifically designed to be listened to on coke binges to cleanse the palate between Eagles albums.

How many campaign appearances would have to be drowned out in “C.M. Punk” chants before he dropped out?

What happened to old New Steven Seagal, Jason Statham?

Boys, boys, boys! You’re BOTH shitty actors!

It’s as if the best two teams in college basketball weren’t playing at all that night.

Must be harsh if Augusta thinks it’s as inexcusable a deed as being not-white.

His running mate is a child/handicapped person/black person with magical powers.

In no way were these the two best teams in college basketball, rather they had the two luckiest three-week runs of any other team. Hold the same tournament tomorrow, and neither of these teams sees the third round.

Hitting a home run off a Reds pitcher isn’t quite the mark of an excellent hitter these days.

Still doesn’t top Jim Calhoun waving those stolen laptops in ‘05.