Compelling use of the “but, EVERYBODY does it!” defense. A child caught by a parent cursing would be proud.

How dare you call into question the ethics or integrity of Corey Maggette’s alma mater!

Most jobs are as consequential as video game tournaments.

“While I’m a professional player, I do not plan to get a girlfriend. I don’t want to be distracted from my practice, because I need to practice...”

And the ghost of Sam Gilbert bought the ghosts of new cars for the ghosts of recruits.

True. No pro team wants him.

You see, Fox News?! Not just any paid punching bag can be Alan Colmes. That man was the Barry Horowitz of conservative news entertainment!

If your defense is, “But everybody does it!”, you don’t really have a defense.

Still, it’s hard to argue with all those first-round tournament choke jobs.

Keep blatantly disregarding the rules like that and they can start calling themselves THE University of Michigan.

Find’em, Meacham, and flee.

All the more reason he should be nicknamed Willie Dynamite.

I was about to speculate if Massachusetts voters could be so stupid, but then I remembered Scott Brown.

This is a guy who’s had to say with a straight face that he’s never cheated, that he never thought anything was odd about Aaron Hernandez, that guys in their 30s who don’t take PEDs have career-ending strokes all the time, etc. I don’t think he’ll have a problem shrugging off his support of a fascist.

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE PRECIOUS CONSUMERS?!

Lotta housewives are gonna put on some Incubus, turn on the Australian Open, and flick the bean like it’s 2006.

Whoa, the second round?! Duke’s back, baby!!!

The ol’ “Maggette Massage,” I believe the Dookies call it.

Definitely makes them look less likely to fail in the pros.

Killer Instinct?! It’s 2017 and people are still playing the Seven Mary Three of fighting games?!