Unresolved latent homosexuality issues, probably.

Same reason they’re not trusted with nuclear codes: they’re rock stupid before they take repeated blows to the head.

The “Party of Accountability,” everybody!

Pictured: Rodriguez and Jeter stretch, while Griffey breaks his leg in four pieces.

Yeah, like the “limited government” that brought Flint its delicious water.

What about the Democratic presidential candidate cosplaying as a progressive?

Spoiled rich kid writes about other spoiled rich kid. YAWN

The only pro team he’s ever known is the Browns. I think that can be classified as a kind of trauma justifiable of pot use.

Whichever gets him access to interview the NFL’s next rape suspect before anybody else. Access trumps truth, yet again.

Ah, the cowardly “Republicans buy my shoes” defense. Marvelously callus and willfully out-of-touch for the sake of the almighty dollar, it’s the philosophy of garbage people everywhere.

Given that Bullet Club is in its shark-jumping “Buff Bagwell in the NWO” phase — complete with a member who has no business wrestling other than his famous relative — I’d imagine AJ, Karl, and Luke have no regrets.

No one who knows the first thing about pro wrestling would let anybody try that, much less an aged Scott Steiner. So of course TNA let him try it.

Scott Steiner?! Botch a move?! Did this happen on a day ending in the letter “Y?"

Why would an MLB team let Scott Steiner on their field?! His footprints test positive for steroids!

If you require “an informal support group of prominent residents created to mentor...and keep...out of trouble,” you’re not a professional athlete. You’re a trained animal.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t being an absolute fucking piece of shit a requirement for owning an NBA team?

It’s cool. That degree in Communications pays for itself.

The only way they could have been boned worse is if they continued going to school and tried to get a job with a degree they’d receive in 4 -6 years.

It’s like traveling. When the star of the show does it, then it’s not illegal.

JJ Watt would love to play a sport that has no postseason and a fan base accustomed to disappointment.