I’d rather have a watch telling me when it’s Vader time.

There are two people whose longstanding legacies of failure have not stood in the way of their finding work, so I gotta ask: Is Norv Turner the Garry Marshall of football, or is Garry Marshall the Norv Turner of movies?

Until an atomic bomb called Sherman’s Wish is dropped on South Carolina, no Southern state’s election is worth following. The majority of voters there will exhibit the sort of judgment that’s usually preceded by an utterance of, “Hold mah beer and watch this!"

Somebody in NBC Sports apparently thought the women on staff felt a little too safe at the workplace.

The next NBA team in Canada should be the Winnipeg Armbars.

Hold up. Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce with a WOMAN?! Guess it’s been a while since I checked rumor sites.

Say what you will about Lemonade, I’m sure it will net Beyonce that A in her Intro to Film Studies class.

Conservative economics on display.

Anybody think Aitches can fight the temptation to literally bury another wrestler?

Awwww, Jared Sullinger! Remember how NBA-ready he was at Ohio St. until Josh Harrellson branded him with a ball in the tournament?

So, when do we get to see the body count from the China and Russia games? Or, at the least, can we find out how much money was embezzled in the Mitt-lympics of 2002?

Hey, just because somebody’s rich, it doesn’t mean they say anything important. It applies to both Drumpf and this walking trivia answer.

How many years does one get to milk the lunch pail routine before fans wonder why they’re never buying playoffs tickets?

The NBA allows for defense to be played?!

How dare you call the integrity of a time-honored display of sportsmanship and athleticism into question by comparing it to the NBA!

Sorry, Reggie, but the suits upstairs want a Cavs-Warriors Finals. It’s horrible basketball, but it’s best for ratings.

How many of those wins were reffed by the ref who admitted to fixing games he bet on?

And more ‘roids than Cena.

Are there ANY adults left?

Ball hogging to inflate individual stats against a team with no playoffs hopes is the perfect embodiment of Kobe’s career.