I know my anecdotes are not as heavy as yours but I’m drunk and stoned and feel like sharing.

I used to get smoking mad every time I saw a dipshit tourist wearing some form of “Ground Zero” merchandise that even bigger dipshits were selling down there.

This is a favorite story in the Plap family. Mom z”l was Jewish and my dad, Italian Roman Catholic. Apparently when I was 2 or 3 I stood up during one of my first masses and demanded “WHERE’S JESUS?! I WANNA SEE JESUS!” They told me he lived there.

It was the perfect response.

That reminds me of when the RNC was in NY. All these people with “W” hats were at various train stations, trying to figure out how to get to Central Park or wherever. I heard more than one person give them directions to Harlem and the South Bronx.

I got so sick of people asking me to take them to ground zero when they visited. It’s like it’s where people died. This isn’t a tourist attraction.

I once saw a couple of tourists ask a cop in a subway station which train to take to get to Times Square. he pointed at a train and said “take this one two stops.” the problem? we were standing in the Times Square station. he was pointing at the shuttle train that goes between Times Square and Grand Central.

I used to “help” my grandmother pour those and she would get so mad because I would drink one for every few she poured. Everything tastes better from thimble sized plastic cups!

I have no memory of this, but apparently I once ran up to the altar and made off with the communion bread when I was really young.

The designated hitter.

My Jewish parents attended mass given at the Vatican by Pope John Paul II. I asked why, and my dad told me he was hungry and wanted the cracker.

As others have said it’s pretty easy to say stand up for yourself from the other side. What we all should be doing is making sure if we ever see anything like this in real life that we stand up for these workers, and if these asshole customers are complaining to the mangers, why don’t we turn around and complain about…

True. The douchenozzle is for discussing douche warfare. Its more powerful cousin is the douchecannon.

Most of the time it is cheaper and less time consuming to just give the shitty person what they want, so that they go away faster. This is basicly every large chains customer servce policy. Unfortunately shitty people also know this, and it encourages them to be even shittier, creating a shit cycle. Eventually all…

Sure, that works most of the time. But I don’t think douche capacity is really a good enough standard. For example, that completely ignores the superiority of douchecanoes in stealth-douche applications.

Well, it’s all about how much it can haul. Obviously, a doucheschooner hauls more than a douchecanoe, though both pale before the douchefreighter.

I’m offended that anybody would ever willingly choose to walk through Times Square.

i just wanna yell GO LIE DOWN at him at the same voice i use on my dog when she’s getting way too hype

Apple: Guys, guys, it’s cool. We’ve sat with him in a conference room for several hours, sometimes even once a month for like, at least a year, and he never once hit a lady while he was here. Well, there were no ladies in the room, but one time one brought in some coffee and it was totally chill. Oh, and we decided to…

It’s even worse than I thought it would be. They even caption one they did to a Black woman as “Kinder, gentler. What do you think?” And then many of the comments were explicitly racist, like: “Should have photoshopped her white”