The jokes could be better and more clever than just ragging on height and stuff, but I guess it’s not like Shapiro and “international fugitive” Gorka are really intellectual heavy hitters themselves.

PTA of the expensive private school.

Yeah I don’t get that. As a literal adult in the room, be a fucking adult in the room and nip that shit in the bud. Send OCU dumbass packing right then. 

Yeah, my first thought was “can we run this guy through an MRI or something?” Totally serious and not being snarky. 

NGL, this is so great and cute that I got a little misty.

Hahaha. I was about to say the same thing.

Yeah, I feel bad when I have to say no to the boys but 1) their popcorn sucks, 2) BSA has issues and I don’t realllllly want to give them my money even though it’s not the kids’ fault. 

The ones I saw this year all had card readers. 

I hated selling cookies when I was a Girl Scout. It’s how I learned that I am not a salesperson. I grew up to be a lawyer. The “explains documents to people” kind, not the courtroom kind. Heartwarming!

I’m from TX and in grad school (in TX), my school job would order Einstein’s weekly. All the grad students from the northeast thought Einstein’s was garbage. I thought they were being snobs. Then I moved to NYC after school and learned that the northeasterners were right and Einstein’s bagels are garbage if you’re…

I’m vegan and this thing would’ve sounded gross even when I ate meat. Einstein’s can skip accommodating us on this one. 

Yeah. I just sit on the seat if it’s clean. I can’t stand when people fashion their own cover out of 30 yards of TP and then either leave it on the seat (!!!) or clog up the toilet with it. Get some damn manners, people. We live in a society!

What political commentary? About him needing cauliflower snuck into his mashed potatoes? About him loving Diet Coke? Please show your work. 

Well, this is a food website, sooo... Would you rather they talk about his foreign policy blunders?

My schools growing up were mostly white, Latino, and East Asian, so maybe the kids were treated better by our racist system, but some of the troubled kids in elementary and middle school used to straight up try to punch teachers or counselors and throw desks and shit and nobody hit and kid and the cops never came…

Yeah, Randall’s today even sucks comparatively. There’s one in a wealthy part of my city and I’m amazed rich people are willing to shop at what is basically an overpriced convenience store compared to HEB.

Jefferson Beauregard Robert E. Lee Sessions III is like if Robert Byrd hadn’t found woker  Jesus and had a change of heart late in life.

Reminder: if you reply to a troll in the grays, they get what they want. Attention vampires can only come in your house if you invite them in. 

The only time I’ve flown Delta, an engine exploded a bit and caught on fire shortly after takeoff. We had to return to the airport and sit on the tarmac for hours because the plane tires melted, then finally go on cramped busses back to the airport. Then the replacement plane they got us smelled like smoke and got…