Maybe he can talk about how much corporations waste on buying shitty NFL football games.

Earl Morrall is the only person who can look at the playoff performances of Carson Palmer and Brian Hoyer and say “Damn, I wish I had stats like that.”

“How bad will Simmons be in 15 years minutes?” Fixed that for you.

Dear Mitch Albom,

According to Kurt Vonnegut the only thing a semicolon is good for is proving you’ve been to college.

How much are we talking here?

Better friend: Trump or Hernandez?

Lots of things are alterable if you have a crowbar.

Ejecting the homeless ~and~ hiring security personnel? Sounds like somebody is missing a two birds/one stone solution (hiring the homeless to sleep inside larger sculptures, fiercely defend them against desecration)

A pain in the NFL’s ashbury!

... so much haight.

It’s more likely to be a suicide note.

Yikes man. First of all..

Luke Wilson was Roger Goodell in the hit movie Concussion. Before that, he hadn’t been in a movie recently. The comment implies Wilson will reprise his role when this becomes a major motion picture. Will Smith and Jaden will play a father and son who want to go to a game but can’t afford the tickets. It’ll be powerful…

The prosecution will build its case on the word of one informant.

Coldplay at the Super Bowl, Sting at the NBA All-Star game and the NHL All-Star game in Nashville.

Hey! The Police are actually good! I don’t care for Sting’s solo stuff, but c’mon! The Police are good.

too soon.

Tom had the greatest Twitter burn of all time: