Sitcom writing about rocket scientists, though.

I'm not asexual, I just never leave my house…and socially inept…and, well, the clinical depression certainly isn't helping.

That behavior is just ugly…ugly…American…OH!

Ugh, it's 'defiantly', stoopid!

"Unless he's a complete idiot, but those are rare."

So, basically, 3 guys lost a fight with a gas station bathroom door and made up a story about being robbed to cover it up? I think we may have found Trump's new spokes team.

Factually, you were incorrect, but technically, yes, he is that kind of dick. No need to feel bad, but I have a hug for you if you need it.

I'll never apologize for my Brazilian. Waxing ftw, amirite!

Great minds…and ours too, apparently.

Don't forget Acorn - which hasn't been around in almost 8 years - is rigging the election.

"You should get that checked, it might be cancer."
"Says who?"
"Moles. Most of them. All of them."

Better than my Civic, time for a trade-in.

Because Daddy would rather be with that whore down the street with the fake boobs and dyed hair than be responsible and raise his family - that's why!

Hey, that's not funny! I had norovirus in June…lives were lost, man!

Sometimes, "I know you are, but what am I" just doesn't do the trick.

Probably, after his name gets bandied about for inclusion in the D-bag Hall of Fame, he will fade into obscurity…which is really, too good a fate for this jackhole.

Well, "I'm rubber, you're glue" only gets you so far.

In her defense, she was obviously thrown by his masterful rhetoric. "Says who?" is a favorite with 4th graders everywhere.

Crap! I was really hoping that was just a remnant from a bad trip.

Are you being ironic? Because, unless I was hallucinating after eating some questionable mushrooms, I would swear I saw something about Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper… The end is nigh, people!