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I love these emails! They are like watching animals at a zoo. How the fuck is every member of the sorority expected to own all these highly specific articles of clothing? What if my only pair of nude wedges is ever-so-slightly scuffed?

Old Casey left a lot of information out of this one. The reason they were so freaked out by him is that while the two girls in question were in 3rd grade, and then 10th grade respectively, these instances only happened a few years apart and he in fact was their teacher.

Wow. You might want to go see a therapist.

Alternate Take:

Guys are really bad at not weirding out women.

yep

agreed

Republicans. They can dish it but they can't take it. If this was a high profile liberal's wife, the gloating and smarmy tweets and Fox News stories would be innumerable.

One day someone will pen a SHOCKING EXPOSE of this man, revealing how his dick is actually concave

Also, in all fairness to Target, I think one of those vibrating cartoon toothbrushes gave me my first orgasm.

Thank you, I totally will! It's Friday and you're leaving!

So, in Alabama is this unborn-child porn?

Female directors and screenwriters are honored at award shows. They are nominated and they win. Certainly not as often as their male peers; but it does happen.

We'll be sure to remind you of that after you've had a horrible day.

it's kind of the unwritten rule that you don't take other people's shoveled out spaces, right?

They've installed fake cameras in front of their house to deter any more vandalism.

"I'm sorry for men not taking a greater stand in this area," Idleman adds.

Long story, but the lesson learned: No matter how well-meaning, holding an intervention for your friend's ill-advised engagement is a good way to get kicked out of the wedding party. And if she changes her mind and re-invites you, make sure you reply within an hour or she'll dis-invite you. Again.

You are dead to me.

Cantaloupe is one of those fruits where 96% of them are horribly unripe but when you finally have a good one, its transcendent. Like a Harry & David pear.

Gotta take care of those meat curtains.