But a true finisher would have folded it in half to make a calzone.

*laughs in San Franciscan*

Hmm, here in Albuquerque, would be the A.R.T project eh previous mayor started up. People/businesses didn’t want it, and he went ahead with it. Tore up Rt.66/Central, removed lanes, added bus lanes in the center of the road, put businesses out of business, destroyed Central, and over a year after completion the buses…

If you shit yourself during a meeting, you double down. Bend over in pain, with your head down on the table, and then while hidden, stick your fingers down your throat and throw up all over yourself. You’re going to want to keel over next and writhe on the ground in agony.

Anderson took the ruling in stride

As a guy who ran the 3200, who doesn’t count the laps in their head? What state meet doesn’t have a lap counter at the line? There must have been a clock at the line, how did none of them realize “wow, this is the fastest I have ever run this, by almost exactly a lap”

A member of the Deadspin staff who shall go unnamed claims to be an experienced horse jumper with the ability to clear a picnic table like Kirstine

Can’t tell you how many text messages I exchanged with friends seriously worrying about the health of a person I have never met and will likely never meet.

Oh my fucking god, Drew! I’m so sorry that you went through that and I’m so fucking happy you’re alive! To share I went through something milder than that last year. I had 3-4 episodes where I was shaking badly. One time when I was going to work and it was so bad I couldn’t put the lid on my coffee; a stranger had to…

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

Danny and Jon both run to the Throne and try to sit on it at the same time.  The both fall off and end up sitting the floor.  Danny smiles, says “Oh, you...”, Jon shrugs and smiles, then the theme from Growing Pains plays.  Fin.

He’s 51, the same age I was the day I was diagnosed colon cancer. I’m not boasting, but I handled my worst day slightly better than Steve-O up there.

Seems like the equivalent to that long-suffered retail gag: “Barcode didn’t scan, huh? Must be free! A-hyuk-hyuk-hyuk!!” Except in this case the store clerk immediately calls the police to have you removed from the store.

Never forget... that vodka is not free.

You EXPECT something? Eat a bucket of fucks you shit eating dickhead!

“His lawyer, Ann Oldfather,”

She’s completely unrecognizable without her trademark haircut.

The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings were books first?

Then you are free to help me move.