There are people who think masturbation in a relationship constitutes cheating. Most of us refer to those people as "complete fucking lunatics."

Typically I just yell "Last one to finish does the dishes" and make it a race.

I just say with increasing volume, "fap fap Fap FAP FAP FAP FAP". It usually gets a laugh out of him.

People want cake to reflect their values.

Because it's easier to focus on someone's potential sin than you're own. If you're not gay, then you can focus the bulls eye elsewhere without having to be introspective or acknowledge your own sins according to your own religion.

What the hell did bakers ever do to anyone to deserve being the leading edge of the culture wars?

Being the mother of a son has showed me that men are sort of just born this way/pick up on enough societal clues to become entitled assholes. I see my son, at 6 years old, trying to steal credit for his sisters' play ideas or Lego creations, and I nip that shit right in the bud, or he will grow up to be that guy when…

It's tough. Everything that a guy says once, you have to say five times.

... She isn't.

That's putting too much faith on the system, I think.

Whenever I see someone dissing the 90's all I think is "MANY GOOD BJORK RECORDS"!

she is a treasure

I'm sorry but you're wearing the wrong shade of pearls, I'm going to need you to go home and change ASAP.

I'm going through her archive and she is very straightforward and genuine and her review of the dining options at the MSP Airport is especially brilliant. Though I am bummed to find out she isn't a heavy drinker because she'd be super fun to share a few a few cold ones with.

The lattes cost less than those I enjoy at Starbucks. But they are worthy.

She is 91 years old and retired from the LAPD. She married three cops four times (the last guy twice because she "hadn't learned her lesson the first time around," she likes to say). She was a total slut and a raging alcoholic. She adopted me when I was three because my parents were into drugs and we've never looked…

Your grandmother sounds like a baller.

Yeah... I feel like I need to know more about your grandmother now.

My Grandmother took all of her engagement rings (four!) and had all the stones reset in one huge cocktail ring. You can practically see that sucker from outer space.