Oh my this. Only 8am class I had in college was my first semester. NEVER AGAIN. Somehow you lose the ability to get up early in the 3 months between your last high school class and first college class.

Beatles don’t have a song called “Someday”; you’re thinking of Sugar Ray

He’s more like a stormtrooper, missing all those shots.

I observe the Snap-on calendar.

(There is a very good theological reason for setting Christmas at a fixed date. This is because it corresponds to nine months from the Annunciation - which is the date Jesus is incarnated inside Mary. That happens to be a very special day because it is also the day Jesus is said to have been crucified, the day *the*…

Look, I’m not saying anything, but has anyone seen Jonny Gomes and Buck Angel in the same room at the same time?

We should totally meet up at the fest! I’m the heavyset white guy with a beard and plaid shirt

Samer’s secret fear can’t register to vote yet.

“We want the ball, and we’re gonna sc—”

worst part about building your tolerance is when you finally end up on the shitter.

I suggest just going cold turkey and starting with ghost chilis.