Fuck Thursday Night Football and goddamn everything right now!!!

I have probably never laughed harder than I did just now when I opened a reader email and learned that the troposphere is the lowest level of the earth’s atmosphere. All hits are in the troposphere!

I’m surprised Bret Stephens would even to go to a baseball game.

Kansas City fans went through the entire steroid without having a player eclipse the immortal Steve Balboni’s club record of 36 home runs. A record that was occasionally reached before the all-star break by other players, had been more than doubled by Barry Bonds. The shame of this stat was overbearing. We sheepishly…

I have heard this argument that the Dee Ford penalty is one that normally an official will give a warning instead of calling it the first time it happens. I just don’t think that type of courtesy would apply in this situation when, as aptly noted above, you could see he was offsides from space.

I heartily encourage everyone to watch that video embedded in the Sportsnet tweet, especially if, like me, your heart is largely filled with contempt and despair for humanity. It’s a nice reprieve from all of that.

“Paul feels robbed? Cry me a fuckin’ river. You know why he’s Rich, right?”
-Peter

There I was, behind center for the Buffalo Bills. What madness led to this I had no time to ponder. As the supple leather of the ball slid into my hand, I took one step back, then two, then three. As I surveyed the field for potential recipients, I saw an outside linebacker charging like an angry rhino directly at my…

+1 Pastadiving Jeter

“A PLACE AT THE TABLE!”

“STARTING DEFENSE, BABY!!”

This bird is really hoping you didn’t notice that fart.

Tell that to Derek Boogaard’s family.

I mean, he averaged damn near 23/6/6 at a Power 5 college and was widely considered to be a great athlete. I mean, there were James Harden comparisons that didn’t seem completely insane. I don’t think there’s any advanced analytics that will tell you if a dude’s brain/shoulder is about to turn to crab meat. 

I thought to myself, “Golly gee, 27 turnovers must be close to the record!”

It’s absolutely nowhere close.

45 turnovers -San Francisco vs. Boston, March 19, 1971

Additionally, during the 1976-77 season Denver averaged 24.5 turnovers per game over the course of the season.

Oh, snap.

My Joe Theismann avatar’s leg keeps glitching.

Raymond’s video meetings are worthless, and include nothing more than Raymond describing the action in the video

Reading the article carefully

“I thought taunting before you cross the goal line negated a score,” Herman said. “I’ve got to brush up on my rules and get some questions answered.”