Amazon kicking its workers in the teeth again. Oh, I am so surprised. In other news, the sky is blue and water is polluted.

This is the first step toward making American media every bit as state-run as Russian or Chinese. Now that I’ve written that, I’m suddenly not so surprised anymore.

Your honor, defense presents Simon’s Cat with the rebuttal:

Since many other commenters have already stated the obvious (It’s the name, stupid!), I won’t belabor that point. What I can do is give you some insight about how deeply Nintendo prioritizes inoffensiveness over almost everything including quality of work. I worked for Nintendo of America multiple times as a temp…

Of course they are. If an inmate learns to code, he has a marketable skill that could lead to a job that would keep him out of the prison system.

Any complications from surgery?
No, just a little heartburn.

I’ll be here all night. Don’t forget to tip your waiter.

Only one response to the complaining constabulary.

While your description of events is technically correct, it still carries the implied message that Smollett was guilty of faking the attack. Police charging the apparent victim of a crime with complicity in that same crime is almost unheard of and presumably not done without overwhelming evidence. Even when police…

Only a dictator treats the press as enemies of the state. Are done pretending the current regime adheres to the Constitution in any way at all?

Take green spray paint to the mascot and you have the Phanatic. The Phillies should sue for copyright infringement. 

The prosecutor is just completely wrong. He easily could have made a case without a single word of testimony from his victim. Police reports detailing the conditions in which she was found would have been more than enough to bury Wysolovski for decades.

Is it also their “moral duty” to directly violate the Fourth Amendment, which states, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬, 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬,…

This is the most impressive collection of polite and erudite ways to say “those people are f-cking stupid” I’ve ever seen. 

Can someone explain to me why Drake hasn’t been put in cuffs and bounced off the hood of a Crown Vic repeatedly? Oh, yeah, money. But there’s no such thing as wealth privilege. Right?

I’m thinking that “cricket” sound is awfully familiar from somewhere. Oh, right, it’s from

I’m sitting here scratching my middle-aged, white, male-pattern balding head and trying to figure out what is unattractive about Bria Myles. All I’m doing is making the bald spot bigger. 

You say “short, involuntary emissions of urine right into your underpants” like it’s a bad thing.

I’ve been told that I have weird taste in cars, which is why I want to drive this 😀

Sure he’s draining the swamp. Just to fill it with industrial strength toxic waste.

What’s this “bad pun” stuff? There is no such thing as a bad pun because they are all brilliant!