Once again, a soccer story that ends with no scoring.

He signs the guy and the press are the assholes?

*you are

Ugh.  Mitch “Fucking” Tribisky.  NFLshop.com won’t let me order the customized jersey for some reason. 

Yes. If Mitch lays another turd against the Redskins and Nagy talks about how it’s a “learning opportunity” for him, I’m going to lose it. 

Fun fact: My hero Greta Thunberg has Aspberger’s syndrome (true story), which in this case she uses as a superpower, cause Greta has zero fux to give.

Wait till you have kids.

The most underrated band of the ‘90s was Poop Towel.

with you on Bush sucking (band and Presidents!) but dear Lord Live is a steaming heap too. I ALONE LOVVVVE YOU, get over yourself, shitbag.

It's like he's accusing me of giving him mono.

*lol* Deep cut!

Fer Chrissakes, now your pills are in the water table. Take them to your local police department. They all have pill drop-offs nowadays and they get incinerated in a way that doesn’t leave the chemical compounds intact.

At least you flushed something.

Had ACL surgery a few years back and I got about 10 messages from people asking if I had any leftover pills, people I hadn’t spoken to in years.... I did, as I only took 3 of them and the lack of pooing distraught me to the point where I stopped.  Would rather the searing pain than have all that poo just hangin out,…

Is there a single time in any celebrated pro athlete’s career when a victim of theirs coming forward with an accusation won’t be met with “hm, interesting timing to say the least!” The accused is virtually always in the spotlight doing something, meaning an accusation can virtually always be (idiotically) countered…

Down in southern New Mexico a third Republican primary candidate recently declared with this video

Hey, that’s my old district! Bill Richardson was Rep when I lived there.

ooooh, look who’s a Jalopniker

“If she had exited the car eating a bowl of hatch green chile, it would have been perfect.”

I was in New Mexico this past weekend. This is a near-perfect add for New Mexico voters. At least one of the elements (twangy country, military family history, or fast-driving of a souped up Dodge Charger) appeals to 95% of the constituency there. If she had exited the car eating a bowl of hatch green chile, it would…