When will guys stop being like this?

He's a real tough guy. Beating up toddlers and women. I'd like to see him take on someone his own size. Fucker.

I hate anyone who makes Greg Schiano only the second most loathsome human being on Deadspin today.

But we're not talking about the athletes' hair, so, progress?

"Conversely, white quarterbacks were described as less physically gifted, but more mentally prepared for the game and less likely to make mental errors."

John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the only people that keep me sane living in this country. If I ever get overwhelmed I just watch them and get a healthy dose of logic and feel like it's all gonna be ok again.

Ha! That is hysterical, just like when my wife tells me "If you watch another damn football game instead of paying attention to mood fluctuations due to my menstruation cycle, I will garret you into a screaming pile of intestines with my fingernails."

Seriously guys, this is a pretty common occurrence. I mean, 'Former Bear Reveals Secrets' was the keynote speech at the Pray Yourself Straight conference I was at on Saturday.

What the fuck did you just say about bacon???

I used to be SUPER picky. I slowly worked my way out of it. You can do it too! My sister is still super picky and I will tell you, it is annoying to your friends. Because they have to cater to it, whether you're asking people to or not, they do. And it kinda sucks when you want to try the new restaurant in town but…

I feel like this about all J.Crew clothes - dull, staid and vastly overpriced. Whenever I venture into a store to see what all the fuss is about, I feel like I'm in a scene from The Stepford Wives - all that old-fashioned pastel-colored embellished shiz. Bleurgh.

A loaf of wonder bread contains 20 slices of bread. You can get them for about $2.00 a loaf. That means that you're $60.00 and some peanut butter away from a big FUCK YOU ASSHOLE avalanche of 300 peanut butter sandwiches the next time some helpless, simpering man-child asks you how many fucking minutes you've been up.

If only Christian Ponder had epilepsy and Jerry Kill just sucked.

Suspended for the rest of the regular season or the rules mean nothing. And I am a Bears fan saying that. We got rid of this maniac exactly for this reason.

If you look right..... THERE! THERE IT IS!

Bud Light presents "Real Men of Genius."
Real Men of Genius...
Today we salute you, Mr. Made-for-TV Sports Debate Winner
Mr. Made for TV Sports Debate Winner...
No matter how pointless the argument, you debate it like you're Edward R. Murrow reporting on the Army-McCarthy Hearings.
Have you no SHAAAAAME?
When quarterbacks…

If he's running around Gatlinburg, he's probably either looking for homemade fudge or a wood carving of himself.

That poor bear just wanted to do some dumpster rummaging, but misunderstood its bear friends when they spoke of all the white trash that can be found in Gatlinburg.

Am I the only one who thinks that, cute or not, these people are surprisingly nonchalant about being so close to an extremely dangerous carnivore that can run much faster than they can?

Everyone go to your nearest Williams-Sonoma store and grab every catalog (do they call it a catalogue?) they have. Carry at least one around at all times, so the next time any person starts talking about repealing Obamacare and how the government has no place telling rich people how to spend their money, just hand…