The day I decided I would not have sex with any man who didn’t first make me cum with his mouth was the day I left sexual purgatory and was admitted to Elysian Fields.

“Too assertive,” when said to a woman, is almost always coded sexism, yeah. Your suspicions are most likely correct, I’m sorry to say.

So my message to the world is SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY BODY UNLESS I AM HAVING SEX WITH YOU AND THEN ONLY SAY NICE THINGS. Thank you.

I was leading the American ambassador to (random country) around a monastery. Her daughter, about 5, said at the top of her lungs, “IS THAT WOMAN PREGNANT?!?!”

I have had several people in my life tell me I am ‘too assertive’ this week. I find it very weird because I am not aggressive at all, but I am just very forthright, and I speak slowly and clearly to people I need to confront, rather than mumbling and avoiding like some people seem to do. Can you be too assertive, or…

Mine too- I loved that woman because she was always wildly inappropriate at the best times. (Also, her and Florence always referred to each other as that “daffy broad” and that “half-baked dame”.)

Aunt Ivy sounds like my kinda broad.

Ugh, that sucks. Perhaps this story will amuse you. My aunt Ivy was what they used to call a “pistol” back in the day. She was a fiery redhead and once told me that all the boys threw their daisies at her feet. Her sister, Florence, a cackling mad old bird said “it means she was a slut, miss missy and don’t you forget…

Ugh, try and remain friends with the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with because I’m a lonely desperate person. I confronted her and cried. Then asked for all our stuff back. I did so many weirddddd things.

There’s a lot of flooding going on in Texas right now, your boyfriend is one of hundreds of people with flooded cars this weekend. He’s not alone, is what I’m saying.
Dumbest thing I’ve every done? Recently I allowed a perfectly good air conditioner to fall out a window and become twisty rectangle of junk.

Looking over at you from 41 and I just want to hug you and say “Oh you sweet child”. I have SOOOO many friends that found the love of their lives in their late 30s and 40s and 50s. You’re 26! Go enjoy the shit out of that!

Gah, that sucks.

Ugh, I wish I knew. But I hope more people answer so that I can read their advice to you!

Body isn’t wrong. People are. Love who you are, because who you are is awesome.

Why do people do that? The receptionist should be the one who feels embarrassed.

It sounds like you had a really shitty night, and I’m not sure there’s anything I can say to make you feel better, so here’s a cute picture. Hope it cheers you up a little.

It is so, so hard. Really. I feel like I am starting from scratch at building a social network in my city, at age 26.

Hey guys, am I the only person who finds having a decent social life as an adult difficult? Part of it is that I now live in a different country than the one I was born in where a different language is spoken (born in the US; now live in a Latin-American country) that I’ve had to learn over the last 18 months. But I…

Was trick-or-treating cancelled this year? We usually have at least 100 kids and 0 so far tonight. Nobody is on the strret, and the weather’s great. One more hour, kids. I can’t eat all this candy myself.

You know what? NO. As an adult, Xmas presents mostly suck. As an adult, Thanksgiving kind of sucks because you can’t pig out anymore without guilt (and maybe also heartburn and what have you). As an adult Halloween sucks because you don’t get to go get a bag of free candy like you used to, and if you do, it’s the same…