Anything that causes him stress helps. Anything that forces him to froth at the mouth and spout lies for all the world to see helps. Anything that makes him look foolish helps. It won’t convince the die hards but it puts even more pressure on the Republicans and keeps our resistance reminded why we have to fight.…

That’s true. But they’re less than 20% of the population, and that fraction is dwindling by the day, if not the hour.

Yeah, won’t matter. The people who believe every word Trump says basically are immune to facts and reason and independent thought.

Whatever, I still live for the hot takes from the Ohio State Lantern: this just in—Michigan sucks.

I barely read my college’s alma paper. Why would I read the college newspaper?

Drive thirty minutes in any direction from any major city in America and you are in Alabama.

Anything outside of the Puget Sound region is a scary place, tbh.

A lot of rural areas with white supremacists. A lot of loony people with guns.

Calling him a loser makes you sound like a loser. Really mean-spirited and ugly.

The man’s a genius. I mean, do you know who the drummer for Nickelback and Three Doors Down is? I know if he came into my music shop to buy drum mics, I wouldn’t look at him twice.

Well if the White House incumbent can spend his entire life in a world of pure imagination, why can’t Chris have just one day?

The perfect crime!

Some dude stole Nickelback’s drummer’s identity to buy nearly $25,000 worth of drum microphones.

Kelllyanne, tragically, became a double amputee following the Bowling Green Massacre.

My favorite Kate McKinnon bit from last night:

After decades as a journalist, I have concluded that anyone who uses the word “Hereby” in any context and who is not also a judge or mayor issuing a formal proclamation, is thereby declaring himself a complete crank.

Right, but see, I am just pretending to say what Kellyane says everytime someone asks her a question.

That’s just what Kellyane says in response to every question.

Thank you. Yes we see him everyday and walk past where our Belo died. We seem to be healing as we are now planning to open a sandwich shop next door to his butchershop and call it “Belafonte’s” (the name of our dog)

10% glycolic acid toner (with moisturizer afterwards) can do wonders for large pores.