My favorite part:

I FUCKING LOVE THAT MOVIE. It’s the beeeeest.

Since you’ve seen THAT movie- you should definitely watch Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. It’s fucking hilarious- way better than it has any right to be and might even do a better play on the “creepy hillbillies hunt kids in the woods” than Cabin in the Woods.

Mm-hm.

This made me think of my senior year, when a classmate killed a local couple solely because he wanted to see if he was “smart enough” to plan a murder and get away with it. Spoiler alert: He didn’t.

That would be my nightmare!!! I’d rather live somewhere with neighbors who could potentially hear my screams.

It’ll come out.

With razor wire. And a moat. Filled with sharks (with frickin’ lasers, obvs).

Yeah, so you can be killed by a woods-dwelling survivalist psycho in peace.

No. The fee was to tax women.

That’s literally a tourist trap.

Birds gotta fly. Fish gotta swim. Bees gotta buzz.

This would be a great drunk history. I love it and it would be cool to add some great stories that feature Asian Americans that have contributed to changing America. Plus toliets and alcohol always go hand in hand.

I remember one of my great aunt's favorite couplets: "Here I sit all broken hearted, paid a nickel, only farted."

our acronym game has seriously declined over the past four decades

Hey! Me too

The same way I will continue to ride the TV true crime wave by not watching any.

I first read this as “Turn the lights off.”

That coupled with the large section of America that doesn’t comprehend the degree to which it’s happening or even believe it’s happening at all.

The police seized almost $1,000 from the young man, who was planning to use the money to purchase a lawnmower to start a business.