I hope some armchair lawyers can chime in, but this seems like a legitimate libel suit that could gain some steam in court.

Despite all that, wouldn’t you still prefer a 12-pack of a crisp, flavorful craft pale ale or lager on that same exact beach? Context matters but lousy beer is lousy beer.

In all seriousness, cane-sugar Mexican Coke from the classic bottle is the king of all sodas. I will tear out your belly hair if you try to argue again, Drew.

That’s not the weather, TOM.

More importantly, who the fuck wonders “Huh, what should I name my new jewelry franchise?” and answers it with “I got it: Jared”?!

This is utterly appalling.

I believe this is the part where “Occam’s Razor” is invoked, friend.

Addition to Jolie’s point about saying “tea tea” — everyone, please refrain from saying “with au jus.” We’re all better than this.

Obligatory: Jose Andres' quail-egg omelette with 10 fucking yolks. Frankly, this grosses me the hell out but it's perfect for you, Drew.

It’s fucking insane that an officer involved in an on-duty shooting would have so much time before the official interview happens. The policy for Los Angeles PD, at least, is to do a walkthrough of the scene a few hours after the incident and then sit down for official statements after that.

What I took away from this was, "Damn, Red Orchestra was a good game."

Drew, love you but... you have some disgustingly large thumbs that apparently bend back all weird when you give the thumbs-up. My god.

NOPE. You need the ass-spreadage from sitting to properly clean down there. God knows what you smear and leave behind when you stand and wipe. Just lean forward a little to make some space if you're so worried about knuckling the shitpool below.

If he wanted to go home and avoid jail time, he should’ve probably just raped a girl.

Confession: I have an irrational envy of cats and their lives.

I've found that at great restaurants, every dish on the menu is good, even if it is something "boring" like chicken.

Then it starts to get tougher, and that might be a good point to just be direct like Albert suggested. In my experience, though, many restaurants don't have "duck" or "sea bass" or whatever repeating in a menu category.

Great suggestions here. But I'll throw in one caveat: A lot of restaurants won't appreciate you hanging onto the menu to order as you eat rather than ordering everything at the beginning, even if the menu is a la carte. Staggering your ordering can screw with the kitchen's timing on serving your table and others.

Or, depending on the menu, you can just say it simply in English based on the main ingredient: "I'll have the duck" instead of "canard roti aux pommes," for example.

(With a bleach solution or white vinegar, obviously.) +1 kitchen murder