Yesterday, I got a call from my agent. They want me to star in Rubik's Cube The Movie. And in the film, I'm given this puzzle. If I don't solve it in one hour, a planeload of supermodels will die.

They can talk distillery techniques all they want, but I'm fairly sure it's produced by just placing Shane MacGowan in some sort of industrial squeezing machine.

Mind The Oranges, Marlon!

Sometimes it Works, sometimes it Doesn't.

"Hit"

DOWD SMASH!

Jimmy Smits.

Woo hoo! Sherman's gone!
Let's release that unwatchable Steve Guttenberg movie, quick!
Uh… which one?

As long as Naomi smacks Gaga in the face with a phone made of meat, I'll be happy.

Maybe Cruz will be the last survivor of the Eugenics Wars.

The other big gay wizard.

I'd rather have the water cooler over Cruz.

And since it's Twitter, there's not enough room for the pauses.

Stax Power.

Dying for the new issue of Lazarus to come out - supposed to be this week, now next week. It constantly takes a little bit longer than you expect. That's what I get for binging the first 15 issues.

The long-awaited answer to the question, "What if Flight Of The Conchords had discovered America?"

Rowan Kaiser's got a few words for you…

And a kickass app developer.

One of these days, many years from now, Will will tell us about the trainwrecks that didn't make it to the website…

All I know is Modern Baseball is spying on me pretty much around the clock.