My father drinks exactly one beer every year, a Heineken at Christmas. One year I went back for Thanksgiving and found five Heinekens in the basement fridge. Dad confirmed that it was in fact the same beer from last Christmas. "It's going to taste the same. Why throw it out?"

I have imbibed Heineken on exactly two occasions. The first time I had obviously never tasted it before, so I didn't know better. The second time it was the only alcohol available at a family function, where sobriety was obviously not an option. I'm not going to definitively say that it's the worst beer out there, but…

Heineken used to be my free beer of choice while gambling in casinos. To be fair, it was the 90s, and it went well with the persistent sensation of losing money.

Good lord, at least admit you are drinking a crappy beer, get Tecate, and save a few bucks.

Heineken...the answer to the question that nobody asked.

Yes. Many, many. Here are some of them: