WORLD’S BEST CAN OPENER.

The answer is “lightsaber” and anyone saying otherwise is lying or dumb.

I think the best Star Wars tech would be teleporters, you know, just like Kirk and Picard used to get places.

I actually live in the attic you pathetic fuck. And having nothing to do with a crime doesn’t excuse celebrating the criminal because he was good at winning nominally amateur athletic events

Tie goes to the school who didn’t cover up child molestation for four decades.

Maybe it will be good for Penn State to get a sense of how it feels to have its case ignored.

Somewhere Bill Belichick just became urgently aroused, and he doesn’t know why.

If I tried that move, I’d sprain my wrist and fall down. Then I’d get called for travelling.

I was able to gasp “hostile work environment” I think that saved me

Wait a minute...Trent Dilfer being bad at his job and things still working out because everyone else on the team is good at theirs? Now I’ve heard everything.

I’m more or less neutral on Jackson. He wasn’t awful, but he wasn’t amazing either. He didn’t make me turn my tv to ESPN, but he didn’t make me turn away, either.

But Dilfer though?

Ryan Flaherty ain’t scared.

To make matters worse, his feet were moving.

If there was an MLB manager who owned a horse that dropped dead after a race, I thought for sure it would have been Dusty Baker.

I can’t express how much I love that “The Patriots” we’re the second highest paid team for their tributes.

The most damming thing about this article is that WE KNEW THE EFFECTS OF CONCUSSIONS IN THE 1930s

Peeps got jokes.