Makes sense, she can’t stay with someone for too long. Otherwise they start asking questions about how she never ages and needs permission to enter people’s homes.

Hmm I feel like this is a loophole I would like to exploit for everything...

I wouldn’t mind if all the religious fundamentalists of the world got raptured right now, so the rest of us could enjoy the planet in peace.

While we’re here, looking at action stills and beautiful thighs, haaaave we talked about Olympic Divers Photoshopped onto Toilets yet? It’s terrible. Awful. Humans are the worst. (But also I love it so much)

Unrelated: I’m gonna start hiding Ghostface in the background of pics just to troll ToddlerNom years from now.

It’s not a funny story but this quote was kind of hilarious in a Downton Abbey way.

This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever read. They’re right up there with Gomez and Morticia Addams and Nick and Nora Charles for Relationship Goals.

I’m not sure what’s more pathetic: that Meghan Trainor likes the Cheesecake Factory, or that she’s so stupid to think that she wouldn’t be recognized at one. The Venn diagram of Meghan Trainor fans and people who like the Cheesecake Factory is a single circle.

This saddens me. Now there is literally no way he’ll see the inside of a jail cell.

Who calls their significant other by their full name?

I know just the other day I said to my husband,Russian hockey player, Darius Kaspiritus, “why, Russian hockey player, Darius Kaspirituswho is totally my husband there are people who do not believe that our love is real. I think that you, Russian hockey player, Darius Kaspiritus, my serious and sincere and not fantasy…

My boss once told me I had made a “fatal error” via text. (She is not very computer literate.) I honestly thought she might murder me.

Please keep in mind that Omar Mateen has been on FBI radars since 2013 for possible connections to ISIS terrorist activity: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/…

The accident in the lab is concerning. Zika is frightening. But more concerning to me (ever since the accident) are the neighborhood cats that have started to go missing. And the chickens that were slaughtered in Mrs. O’Henneson’s coop last week. Coulda been a wolf, but....there was a print in the blood. Looked more…

“Believe me” is a terrible name for a memoir of any kind, unless maybe you are apiarist? Even then it’s a really lazy pun.

I’m waiting for the inevitable Lifetime movie, “Murder, He Squawked”.

Muhammad Ali’s death has no place in a dirt bag.

This makes absolute sense and my heart aches for this man. Having said that, that's a fucking amazing picture.

“He liked how innocent Taylor was and that she had a good caring heart”

It’s certainly operating in the red.