I nominate this for early consideration for the 2019 Kinja awards

A scorpion asks a frog to carry him over a river.

21% odds of Trump winning, for the last damn time, isn’t “no chance of winning” how many times does anyone who knows probability have to say this

Demon Rat 2020.

Political polling is just not very good, because most people don’t want to answer political polls.

“the potential of even bigger revenues in the future, which will not cover rapidly increasing expenses...”

This is the best take.

Annoy people trying to get decent results out of a Google Image Search, I find.

Lyft is currently valued in the market at $22,500,000,000.  Can someone please tell me what they own, other than a revenue stream that doesn’t cover expenses?

MLB

She’s a long time Blue Jays fan, I just assumed she would welcome the sweet release of death a fastball to the head might bring.

Anyone who thinks Collins won’t vote for Barrett if her vote is needed to secure confirmation, please give me a call because I have a great business opportunity on a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to discuss.

I am in a really weird place where I am simultaneously cheering on the marvel of medical science for one person (Ginsburg) and having the exact opposite opinion in regards to another (Trump).

My Stelvio’s infotainment system died after a year plus it’s been recalled like six times. So all inconveniences of owning an Alfa are true.

maybe they should build a better car? 

unsubstantiated claims

If Trump finds out who did this he’ll invite them to the Oval Office and have hamberders orgy.

Michigan-MInnesota. Muslim woman-Muslim woman. Must have figured they are basically the same. I think this was the general guide:

There is no way Jizyah Shorts doesn’t win this.