I think a better, and more appropriate costume, would be Roger Goodell:

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Crow: That disorganized offensive attack is going to be your downfall.

It's all about the Ray Combs era.

Let's see: Bianchi means white in Italian..."Rapids" is another word for "whitewater"...the Rapids fired Bianchi and there explanation doesn't hold water...

Not to worry, Voynov knows what's right and wrong.

I don't blame her for trying to squash the situation before it took root.

The fact that they couldn't stabilize his spine shines a bright light on the dark side of India's cast system.

I'm taking Dockett #1 in my mock draft.

In Kelly's defense, NCAA officials do have a long history of turning a blind eye to illegal contact by football players.

Scrubs chug beer after paying full price for preaseason tickets.

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(chugs while hanging out the passenger side of best friend's ride, trying to holler at women)

"Football is just a game and we can't play with the health of Moroccans."

Can we figure out a way to keep the players safe, but give Ebola to all the FIFA executives?

"A Fistful of Ugly" would be a good band name. Also a good euphemism for masturbation.

Because of the media conspiracy, obviously.

Has there ever been a well-timed bench collapse?

"The Full Sixer" would have been a good nickname for Charles Barkley.