I would’ve thought that the fact that you don’t own a pool would’ve been the biggest reason not to have a pool boy, but I’m not one to judge...

Doesn’t count. Everyone who is an actual fan of the Olympics knows that Leonidas is the GOAT. He didn’t have all the fancy accommodations that Olympians have now, like shoes and anti-chaffing nipple tape. Do you know what they did back then if your chaffed nips got infected? They took’em.

more like Leonidas of ‘Roids.

but his character made him that six-tool guy

That chart also represents my Pokemon Go usage before and after the removal of every kind of tracking available on the game and on outside sources.

Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”

Just wish Michael had turned on his brother mid-interview, made mention of his conspicuous lack of rings, and say that’s why Mom named you Martellus and not Marshowus

which features Martellus saying that “NFL” stands for “Niggers For Lease”

“Worst quarterback in the NFL,” [Michael] says.

Be extra careful if he looks like this:

What are the odds he takes a shortcut and becomes a policeman?

Bowfinger is totally something worthwhile that’s leaving, as is Inside Man!

Roberto Cemente

I remember turning 35 and thinking, what’s different today that I am no longer a desirable demographic?

Word.

Tim Lee is “going to embrace God’s plan.”

I can't believe you're writing that either...

In the Australian Open, the balls roll back into the bunker counterclockwise.

The seat do have a manual release, too! I can tell you all kinds of things about your car! I was a Aston tech for 3 years! ISN’T THAT EXCITING!?!?!? ACKNOWLEDGE ME!!!!!