My husband and my mom are both bossy cooks who don’t like anyone in their way in the kitchen. I am an OK cook, but I don’t enjoy it like they do. I eat cereal for dinner every night when my husband is away; once I ate an entire family size box of multi-grain cheerios over five days and it made my mouth bleed.

I did it when my son was about twenty months old, I put him in the seat and then put groceries in the trunk and then never went back and when I got home I freaked the fuck out. My friend once clicked in her infant seat (with infant) into the attached part that wasn’t attached and she didn’t realize for a couple of…

I was eight and my brother was seven. We had been playing outside in the snow waiting for my parents to say goodbye to their friends after going to their place for dinner. It was late fall so it was pretty dark outside. After five minutes or so my parents finally emerge and we get in the truck. This was the 80's so my…

I read that she was the only person to take him seriously from the beginning and had a team on it for at least a year.

They are mad because Trump basically admitted he would grab a woman’s pussy even if that pussy is the property of another man. They cry out on behalf of their wives and daughters, but only in the sense that someone might try and take something that belongs to them. They didn’t care about the racism or women’s health…

I feel bad that there are women who think this sort of talk is “normal” and therefore excusable as merely a personality foible.

I think one of the main theories is the JonBenet and Burke got up to eat a snack, they rough housed and he hit her and accidentally gave her brain damage to the point that she looked dead to the parents. The parents decide to cover it up, Patsy writes the crazy ransom note while Jon takes care of the body. Later on,…

Beware of small cars in your neighbourhood, any one of them could contain a multitude of clowns, more than you would think could fit in there, that’s for sure.

I got to listen to a very serious discussion about the clown plague on the CBC this morning after dropping the kids off at school. It was glorious.

In the late nineties I worked in a popular coffee shop and one night when a coworker and I were doing the washrooms we saw that someone had taken a shit and dropped it into the liquid soap inside the dispenser. Like what the fuck, humanity.

I cannot believe the family’s are responsible for the health care costs of a child in the US. It is almost as bad as the gun thing.

I don’t like to make personal remarks about anyone’s appearance but I’m also a hypocrite, so Donald’s hair looks like the “white” drapes in my long-dead, beloved granny’s TV nook where smoked home rolled Players Light one after another while watching All My Children, Wheel of Fortune and Unsolved Mysteries.

As usual all I can think of is how much cleaning up this would take, like even with a team of housekeepers, imagine dusting this shit.

“You can tell what God thinks about money by the people he gives it to.” - Dorothy Parker

I wear Natives for gardening, they are super comfortable and are like a slightly less hideous Croc. My kids AND my parents love the shit out of crocs though.

I start therapy in two weeks! I’m both dreading it and looking forward to getting some relief!

I can see why she changed her mind, my son had rotavirus and I would rank it a close second to the chemical resistant lice both my kids brought home from god knows where. Just kidding, chemical resistant lice was the worst thing ever, NIGHTMARE OF NIGHTMARES.

I have empathy for people who suffer from hoarding. I used to be a messy, disorganized person (not at hoarding level but just untidy) and I hated it about myself, so in my thirties I really started working on it, but it’s like my brain can’t just be normal, so now any mess makes me anxious as all get out and I am…

No, even worse, just terrible movies with lots of sex and nudity, like what a eleven year old boy would watch when his parents were out.

The only time I have ever been to a strip club I witnessed one stripper fake shave another stripper’s crotch, which, ok, fine, but she was using a cheap disposable razor to do it, and even though it was pretend I was shrieking inside my own head, STOP, that would hurt so much!