I’m not really okay. I function because the one thing that never left me and keeps me going is a sense of humor (often gallows variety) that gets me through. But while >125 surgeries and hundreds of dermatological procedures have allowed me to look something like myself, internal injuries remain. I have only one…

I’m going to try to follow Katy Perry’s remarkable grace right now, though my thoughts about Trump’s evil and ignorant tweet are much darker.

Hah, that’s easy, mine.

DETAILS OBSCURED FOR REASONS!

So twenty years ago, my cousin announces she’s getting married. Ok, cool. She’s having her bridal shower in a German social club somewhere in the mid west two days before the wedding. Ok, cool. I’m her maid of honor, but the groom’s mother has planned this, and I’m a broke college student,…

My own unasked-for bridal shower was so awkward (and also maybe the only one I’ve ever been to?) It was thrown by my work friends, who were acquaintances by my standards, but this was in Texas y’all and they were trying to be kind to this newly-engaged Yankee. It was dubbed a ‘lingerie shower’, which to this day is…

I went to a really uncomfortable Dr. Who-themed shower that was in a ramshackle American Legion Hall for a work friend. Her sister had created all these goofy bridal shower games that were also Dr. Who related (including one involving wearing a fez? also there were quotes from the show printed out on slips of paper…

So my wife always grudgingly goes to these no matter how tangential the relationship back to her is. She just can’t turn down an invite. So she get’s an invite to one and I’m like “Oh you’ll have a good time, there will be food and booze and some of your close friends and all that good stuff”.

The bride: my husband’s ex. The location: somebody’s basement. After the “design a toilet paper wedding dress” game we settled in for trivia...about the groom. Nobody really knew this guy because he was her rebound that she had only known for a few months, and she didn’t bring him around much. But whatever it’s just…

The bridesmaid who planned the party didn’t know the difference between a shower and bachelorette party. I guess she thought it was weird that the bride had requested she invite so many older family members and work friends, but she must have never questioned it. I generally find penis toy and stripper bachelorette…

I haven’t been to any weird bridal showers per se, but the most recent shower I went to was organized by one of the bride’s roommates. Said roommate demanded everyone pay attention to her and did not stop talking about herself for 45 minutes. Topics included going on a rant about her recent break up as well as giving…

My sister’s best friend had gotten engaged. Not a good idea. All they did was fight. Well two weeks before the shower the couple had a huge, very ugly fight that pretty much ended things. Except not officially I guess.

All of them? Even my own? Bridal showers are weird, where else do we expect grown women to unwrap common household items so other grown women can ooh and aah over shit they all have at home?

I have a ton, but my favorite is the time I was at Starbucks near Brown University with a friend and we were trying to think of Emma Watson’s name. As we’re leaving I open the door and a young lady is about to walk in. I hold the door and my friend points at her and says “Her!”.  I explained “We could not think of…

I was living in Los Angeles in 99-00, and an avid comedy nerd. Grew up on Kids in the Hall, Exit 57, The State, and was presently carrying the flag for Mr. Show, obnoxiously telling everyone how important this stuff was. One Friday night, Mr. Show ended and Bob & David appeared back on screen to introduce Tenacious D.…

When I was in my 20's and between a long bout of travelling and grad school, I temped at a hospital’s admin dep’t in San Francisco, which was boring as hell. One day, my boss told me they needed attendees for a speech Lynda Carter (AKA OG Wonder Woman) was giving on irritable bowel syndrome before maybe 20 people,…

I was coming out of a coffee place and I was like “Is that John Cho?” as he crossed the street. Then we passed each other and I was like “That was John Cho”.

Though I work in film, so I do run into actors a fair bit and it’s less exciting than you would imagine. I did work on a small movie with Emily Mortimer and when…

Well, and saying that Beto spent $100 million to say basically nothing is flat-out-fucking wrong. That was the whole idea behind traveling to every single Texas county (which I believe he achieved). You can convince only so many yokels that your ideology is better than what they’ve subscribed to and approved of for so…

I have some mixed feelings:

The population of Bay County is under 170,000. The population of Broward County is 1.936 million, and I would guess they were burdened by long lines from GOP suppression strategies. Of course, Rubio and Scott already know but have to turn everything into a propaganda opportunity. 

It’s interesting how much of a disparity there is between the cultural fixation on trans women and the cultural indifference to trans men. I suspect that a big part of it is that trans women are doing something perceived as much more transgressive, i.e. rejecting male privilege and (in many cases) masculinity-both of…