I wanna live in a world where all revenge is carb based.

Joe Perry’s mom was really good friends with my grandma, so I went to some holiday parties, etc., at his house when I was young. I don’t remember it (too young), but apparently Steven Tyler was at one of the parties and played Barbies with me and let me wear his hat.

That’s pretty much the whole story!

So you’re saying that Steven Tyler does in fact walk this way AND talk this way? That’s incredibly reaffirming.

Lauryn Hill no showed on a hair appointment, and it pissed me off.

Josh Hartnett, you absolute fuckstick.

Oh, my favorite one!

Oh, I do have one! I just forgot about him at first because he is old but Edward Albee is THE WORST FUCKING HUMAN. Ugh. He came to my college to accept a very lucrative award in exchange for a few days of interaction and he was awful. Me and a few other people had lunch with him because we were starring in one of his…

I used to work for the tabloids, so it’s not a question of if I have a story, but which one I tell the Jezzies.
There was the time Dave Navaro refused to be interviewed unless I gave him a blow-job. He had just married Carmen Electra.
There was the time on a red carpet that a very drunk Gary Busey asked me how, a…

I went to college with Sarah Hughes (for those who understandably don’t remember her, she was an olympic figure skater who beat out michelle kwan for the gold back in the nineties) for a couple years; she was in school for a bit, and then left to go skating, and then came back - I didn’t keep track, but we started out…

my parents were craft service on that show “Method and Red” on FOX. As like a 16 year old (I’m 27 now), I would frequently come and work doing craft service shit for them unofficially, and unpaid on whatever show they were working on. I did it as a favor to them, but also I was coming out to see friends in LA that I…

made a burner account cos i had to tell this story:

a couple of years ago, a friend and i were WASTED at a bar for some coworker of hers’ birthday party. i didn’t know the person whose party it was (like i said, we were hammered), but we did manage to enough to notice kanye west and jay z among the attendees. the…

I have a story about Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler being assholes to me, but it’s not interesting and neither are they.

He wasn’t a dick or anything, but I was once walking near Seth Meyers in the same direction and he kept looking back at me all panic-stricken like I was stalking him or something.

i was with my family seeing west side story on broadway, and tom and rita hanks and their kids (?) sat next to us. a league of their own is my absolute favorite movie, and i was flipping a shit. my dad leaned over and said, “excuse me mr hanks, a league of their own is my daughter’s absolute favorite movie and it’s…

It was a typical night out at the bars in Minneapolis & was having a great time talking to a really nice guy. In the middle of a sentence, Josh Hartnett bounds up to the guy and drags him away while shouting, “No. Beer googles, dude. No. Beer goggles. Beer goggles. No. No. No. No. Take off your beer goggles. No. No.…

Sherman Alexie calls me a thief every time I meet him. The first time because he noticed when he was autographing my book there was a different name in it. I explained my professor was kind enough to give me her copy of his book because she knew I liked him. He still called me a thief. The second time because I…

If it’s any consolation, he hit on my friend in college and I stole his cell-phone number from her. I pretended to be her and led him on every time he was back in Boston, until I finally got him to show up at the Hotel Commonwealth and cut communication entirely. He got angry and vulgar; if Bob Saget thinks you’re a…

My uncle was a limo driver in the 70’s-80’s and they didn’t have cells back then of course, so when he was late picking up a job at the airport, the person called my grandma’s house to see where he was, my uncle was living with her. She told they guy my uncle had left already and would be there shortly. Aparently the…

Bob Saget did standup at my College in 2008 on the heels of The Aristocrats. When I was standing in line for the bathroom, he cut in front of me, turned around, said, “Sorry, sugartits, gotta make a splash” and slammed the door in my face.