I am SHOCKED that Broham Lochte is an asshole while drunk. SHOCKED, I tell you.

The first rule of Fighting a Bathroom Door in Brazil Club is: you do not talk about Fighting a Bathroom Door in Brazil Club. The second rule of Fighting a Bathroom Door in Brazil Club is: you do not talk about Fighting a Bathroom Door in Brazil Club.

MOOOOMM!!! MOOOMMMMM!! MOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
GET DOWN HERE!!! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!
The mean Brasillian assholes stole my money, and threw me down on the ground, and put their guns on me, and the other swimmers too, but most importantly MEEEE!!!
I can’t believe they did that!!! To MEEEE!!!

+1 if you can add a fish-sticks reference.

So Lochte basically told the Cartman version of the story

Thank you! So many of friends say stuff like “How can you enjoy watching the NBA more than college basketball?” Bunch of frickin’ morons. If I wanted to watch white guys brick mid-range jumpers I’d just videotape myself shooting in the driveway.

That’s stupid. I thought the point of the greying system was to prevent porn/trolling, not to rate comments.

The Bobcats haven’t existed in two years. They’re the Hornets, and they made the playoffs this past season, and they’re fun to watch.

“Also, per school policy, the dog has been expelled”

Wow, that’s fucked up. He made a mistake, sure, but he doesn’t deserve to have his basketballs ruined.

“We commend Ishmael for not taking his frustrations out on another human like many of our athletes previously would have. This is another step in the right direction for Baylor athletics.” - new Baylor AD