I think the proper headline is:

I work in IT, and can’t stress enough the importance of reliable backups.

Wife: “How was your day, Joey?”

The 14 stunned birds were later quoted as saying “They were so good at the beginning of the season, what the fuck happened?!”

I actually have a solution. Birds could stop flying full speed into walls like idiots!

another man arrived to assist Revis.

Today I learned Kansas State was a “world-class university”.

S.T.A.B. - Smile To make it All Better

This guy sounds like he’s uttered the phrase “but it’s not a pyramid scheme” to all of his friends multiple times.

Would be interesting to see Texas argue against the Death Penalty for the first time

Well, it appears to be working for that fucker in DC who just swiped The Constitution.