Assault and buttery.

Was literally about to type that! I read this and thought “This is more difficult than regular Alfredo sauce” lol. Thanks for beating me to it!

You know what? I’m gonna have to go with yes. Goddammit.

Funded by the Koch Foundation.

Here’s my fiery hot take! Drink it however you fucking want! You bought it, you can do whatever you want with it. I give zero fucks if you want to butt chug a 1959 Château Lafite Rothschild.

I might be an asshole but you are a dumb fuck who took a job working for free. Would prefer to be the asshole any day.

I was in a food bank volunteering and helping a local Jewish group and the supervisor of the sorting operation, who originally came from Haiti said “Sure are a lot of Jews here...” Seemed odd for him to say until I realized he was talking about the donated product we were going to be sorting. Pallets of “orange Jews…

Little of both.

The one crime the millennials must pay for is popularizing sriracha, the world's lamest condiment. 

I once had a guy mishear me and think I asked for my Tikka Masala mild.  Tasted like Indian tomato soup.

You think you are joking, but wrapping these in pastry dough, i.e., adding more butter and carbs to butter and carbs, sounds like a really good idea.

It’s also possible that he thinks it’s an honor to serve the Attorney General of the United States, regardless of any particular feelings about the individual occupying that office. I don’t like President Trump and disagree with most of his policies but I’d be pretty chuffed if he patronized my business.

I mean, if you say so, but Pepper is a doctor and RC Cola is a cashier at the Dollar General.

Maybe we can set you up with Tab?

Mustard based BBQ sauce is a thing my friend, and it is amazing.

I don’t eat meat, which has unfortunately prevented me from eating some of the really gross finnish foods since I moved to Helsinki. I have had Mämmi though, which is a black slime people eat at Easter which someone explained to me was made out of “the things you use to make beer before the step that makes beer good.” 

They hooked me with a croissant dog, but I went there and it was just hotdog with a regular stale bun.

...I wish I had never seen this.

Sounds about as good as it looks.