If it turns out that Kevin James killed his wife to get her out of the way and immediately hooked up with Leah Remini, the name Kevin Can Wait will become hilariously inaccurate.

Last week I was surging through radio stations, and I came across the local college station that usually plays music I am too old to recognize. They were doing their "Top 5 at 5", and when I tuned in, they were at #2, which was, inexplicably, Absolutely (Story Of A Girl) by Nine Days. Naturally, this confused me, so…

I believe it's a sign of my advancing age that, more and more often, I read stories like this and hate absolutely every party involved.

This is a problem I had with The Sims. I played the hell out of it, but I always wondered why, since my Sims' lives were only slightly more interesting than my own.

As long as it keeps the insanity of the game, I am IN. I will 100% watch a movie about a kid trying to deliver newspapers as he evades tornadoes, breakdancers, dogs, the elderly, and the grim reaper.

Maybe they keep confusing it with the Douglas Coupland novel Player One and are clouded by their hatred for everything Coupland has ever written. I know that's my problem with the movie, at least.

You have to give it points for running with the monumentally stupid idea of alien boats.

And for some reason everybody hated that movie except for me. I was only half watching it, though, which is maybe the way to enjoy it?

I don't know; I've looked at a LOT of fan art, and none of it looked anything like she does.

It got me, especially "she didn't get it either."

You spelled "Eastbound And Down" wrong.

Tons. People in Lansing are too depressed to stay sober and too poor to go anywhere nicer. The bars downtown have a hard time staying open, and are often closed for over a year without being replaced, but the neighborhood dive bars thrive.

Last year, several coworkers and myself embarked on a quest to eat at a different dive bar every Friday, so we could experience both the best and worst food Lansing has to offer. It fizzled out about halfway through the year, but since we provided scored feedback to every restaurant, I have a decent list of dive bars…

It may not be IDEAL food, but unless you can show me another place where I can order 3 pounds of beige foodstuffs for $6.99, I'll continue to stop at Cracker Barrel as often as possible, thank you very much.

Yeah, I told her eventually. After we were married and she couldn't leave me.

If anybody can recover from a bad financial situation, it is definitely Wesley Snipes!

I think that is 100% accurate. The best meal I ever had in my life was breakfast in a McDonald's.

A few weeks ago, I was in the car and "Never Gonna Give You Up" came on the radio. My son was in the back seat watching a movie with headphones on. Mere seconds after the song started, an asshole in a minivan cut me off and I had to slam on the brakes. The sudden stop resulted in my son's headphones flying off of…

Plus my psychic powers manifested at the same time that I started menstruating, so that was spooky, too. Also really got my hopes up that I would be the prom queen.

The Mushroom Kingdom!