So, I'm watching this in large part because it has generated hot gay smut gifs for my Tumblr dash, and I am now 54 minutes in and there has been no hot sex.

There is a list of things I plan to present at the Pearly Gates with a flourish, entitled "At Least I Didn't..." and this whole "smilingly display the rubber copy of my bits" is right up there in the top ten.

I just made a realistic replica of my side eye. I'm going to place it in various public locations next to anything that is deserving of a good side eye.

I woke up this morning feeling really bad about myself, but something about watching another human being proudly hoist a big rubber replica of their own undercarriage into a camera lens, smiling beatifically at nothing and glistening like a wet pear, makes me feel like maybe I am less silly than I initially suspected.

I found out after the fact that an awful lot of people "knew" about the guy that abused me.

Literally every picture of him is an 11 on the creep-face scale. For reference, Creepy Rob Lowe from those commercials is only a 8.

On the plus side, this is how you can tell it's actually the real celeb tweeting, rather than their PR staff.

WITH YOU. Jessica R. Williams, however, continues to just KILL IT.

Play-by-play upon reading tweet #6 :

The only person who really understands me is not you.

Funny you should mention Geek Love and AHS in the same breath. I've been getting that Geek Love vibe all season and I've been loving it. The perfect cocktail of bizarre/disturbing/heartbreaking/sexy/sad/funny/fascinating. The moral of both stories seemingly being that evil comes in all shapes and sizes, not just in…

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who thought Geek Love was an awful book. It just read like a long game of what's grosser than gross.

The Gen X hipster book to rule them all. I can barely even remember the book - I think I loved it at the beginning but didn't like the cult part - but I do remember it was on the nightstand/bookshelf/toilet of every party I went to and every guy I ever spent the night with. And all your indie rock stars and movie…

You can dislike the Palins and still not support childish, elitist, sanctimonious drivel like this.

Wow. And I thought getting food poisoning and barfing on a first (and last) date* was the worst thing.

In the olden days of High Schools past, I was a meat clerk at a grocery store. We had a very nice, mid-40's woman that worked there, and she had an old guy that would call and pretend to be her husband. We usually just put him on hold and let him wear himself out, but one VERY busy Saturday, I elected to tell…

Madge, be careful. Drowning is the leading cause of death among narcissist yogis.

Nope, don't let Mama June give rednecks and hillbillys a bad name! (And this may be my Southern showing, but I think all those phrases are classist ways of making fun of poor, rural, generally Southern people.)