Small things are pissing me off. Who cares about a hot celebrity complaining, what about my non stick pan that everything fucking sticks to!!!!!!! What about that dirt bag!!!!

Goddamn. Calling your governor out at a Starbucks is one thing, but this woman dares to give her email out in mother fucking YouTube comments. That is a bad bitch if there ever was one.

This should not be confused with my lawsuit over the fact that I spent almost a year training my waist and it still pees on the floor and bites the mailman.

And I hate all their stupid faces.

Hey, my brother works for a Wall Street hedge fund, and I’m pretty sure most of the people he works with should be in jail. So you can dress up your class prejudice in fancy clothing and clench your sphincter as you piously opine about the vulgarity of rap music and the criminality of the people who make it, but it…

For someone who’s screen name is making light of a man who had depression and other mental health issues, you sure are preachy.

Of course 1) I’m stupid 2) I once smothered him with a pillow while he slept only to give up when I realized he wasn't going to push me off but rather just continue to lay there like an idiot and die.

Wow, you really schooled me with that hyphen point!

I believe Scalia was murdered by shape shifting reptilian aliens, in order to prevent him from revealing that not only were the moon landings faked, but the moon itself is a holographic illusion that camouflages a giant alien space station beaming deadly waves of homosexuality down to the Earth. Which, by the way, is…

If God didn’t want us to take pleasure in the misfortune of others, He wouldn’t have made it so much fun.

The actress who played Aunt Viv was fired from the Fresh Prince because her contract prohibited her from getting pregnant, and she breached the contract. Despite the fact that they were able to successfully write her pregnancy in to the show, they still wrote her character out of the show for the crime of having a…