I can understand why Toupee Fiasco is upset because Heaven knows, he would never, ever use HIS attorney general for anything as nefarious (not his word, by the way).

This is a really amazing moment. An artist with a young fan base topping the chart for months, hits diamond, and tells the world he’s gay.

“And we’ll have their favorite food, which I understand is called a Royale with Cheese.”

You laugh until she announces her cabinet

Your dirty talk must be amazing. Like a BBC history documentary. 

I was ready to declare the Foul Ball Feature by far the most important/best thing on Deadspin this week, but this has knocked it from the perch. Tom: thank you, for the fearless journalism. A grateful nation salutes you.

Or the Madlib theory when they [verb] a bunch of [plural noun] all [preposition] a [place.]

I’m hoping they move and rebrand as Rayons du Diable.

I realize you got a Crocodile in Spelling, but it’s “whose.”

How in the hell is that the face of a professional athlete? Jason Vargas looks like he picked up baseball after his pearl jam coverband disbanded. 

Florida won’t exist in 40 years. The time to switch allegiances is now! 

The Knicks will split the difference. They’ll pay him the max but Dolan will also ban him from entering MSG for life.

Hi, Jean here.

Just came by to let you know there was a problem with our system and you won’t be getting a paycheck this month.

Or next month.

Or the month after.

Your grandchildren will eventually get them, tho. It just might take a while to sort through the mess.

The only reason the NBA issued the fine was because their original threat to exclude the Knicks from next year's playoffs was met with laughter.

From: Gordon McKenzie (g.mac@outlook.ca)

My keys are usually in my right hand. Where’s your god now?!?!?! :)

Davey was my best and only friend from k-6th grade and really gave credence to the final words in the movie Stand By Me, “I never had any friends later on like I had when I was 12.” Rather, I am 43 now and I still have never found a friend quite like him later in life. Sadly I will never get to tell him face to face…

“....sexual assaulting a woman, exposing himself to another woman, and touching himself in front of a third woman.”

Last week was the one-year anniversary of losing a good friend of ours very suddenly. She left behind a husband and three children. It still hits me hard every couple of days and it’s all I can do to keep from ugly-crying in public. I hope Gabriele’s family and friends can find peace and comfort through their grief as…