Not to sound racist, but Peyton is the biggest douchebag in the world.

I know if I was an awesome 18-year-old football player I would definitely shoot for 42 year old porn stars to hook up with.

FWIW, he says he tried 911 twice and couldn't immediately get a dispatcher.

12 Years a Salve is going to be the name of my new African Shea Butter Etsy shop.

On any outdoor rink in Canada, that move gets you flattened on your ass.

Barry, a Canadian youth easily scoring a hockey goal is as common as an American youth masturbating in the back seat of a taxicab. It's nothing special.

Poor Alexis Bledel has to be married to Pete from Mad Men tho.

My cupholder won't come out of the big computer box thingy.

What does it say about me that as much as I like these cars, I got excited when they passed a Morris Traveller around the 1:52 mark?

What's wrong with being a dick-sucking whore?

#notallboners

People these days are practically tripping over themselves to be offended.

Cue the self-loathing brainwashed white hipsters that are all over this site like a virus in 3....2....

Yes, because the literal articulation of the word is the only way racism can manifest.

Cue the race-baiting, preemptive attacks on anybody who might critique the article's premise.

Jesus Fucking Christ. Leave it to Gawker media to find a racist lining in the Ebola outbreak. Kudos, you morally relativistic fuckfaces!

BREAKING NEWS: Argentina also loses the World Cup

CONTINUED COVERAGE: Argentina continues to not be winner of Falklands war

LIVE COVERAGE: Argentina still loser of Falklands war.

BREAKING NEWS: Argentina lost the Falklands war.