I was not the prom type at all. I had no interest. I was sort of an outcast at school, one of those gothy girls who thinks she's special because she can recite Poe from memory. Yeah. I know.

I spent my Junior and Senior years at a loosely Baptist affiliated Christian school. We didn't have "prom" we had formal. We weren't allowed to dance. Actually, there wasn't really any music. Except the one year where they had a classical guitarist (who like felt he needed to explain his nails, which I forget how…

Preface for context:
I grew up in a very small town. There were 300 kids in my high school, so we went to prom all 4 years because there weren't enough kids in any one class to host a dance. Also, people brought dates from out of town a lot to diversify the prom. Similarly, small town high schools take underage…

I'm really shocked by the amount of casual drug use on this post. Clearly my life has been even more sheltered than I thought...

My prom date backed out on me a few weeks before prom because he found out that I had a super mega crush on him and he only liked me as a friend. So that was great. I asked a girl friend of mine to go with me since she was only a junior and hadn't already made plans. Unfortunately, there was a guy flying solo in our…

My prom was filmed for the series "Prom Queens" by Lifetime. It followed the girls on the prom court as they prepped for prom and ended high school, blah blah blah. Basically, the last few days of high school, there were cameras everywhere. My last class of high school EVER was filmed, and the students in my class in…

My high school was a private, Evangelical Christian school in the deep south. As such, our "prom" was a straight-laced, fun-sponge nightmare. Every one dressed up like they would for a normal prom (which I will from here on out refer to as a "norm-prom") got their hair did like a norma prom, rented the limos, dudes…

The lesson I learned on my senior prom night? Sex on the beach (not the drink) does not feel good. Sandy crotch. Sandy penis. Sandy dress. Sandy hair. Sandy condom. Sandy all the things. Not enough alcohol to make it better.

I shared this story not long ago on another post, but I'll share my rom-com prom story.

"ONE TIME A SERVER DIDN'T GET MY ICED TEA ON TIME SO I HAD THEM FIRED! BUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

What about the customer? I had waitstaff be mean to me once and I want that to be addressed!!

Meanwhile, his brother California Safari sits unused in the stable.

Add in the fact that names can't be longer than 16 letters and no two horses can have the same name and you get some weird TB names. I did once bet on a horse simply because he was named Barnyard Monkey...

"Oh God What Is That Smell comes from behind to take the lead on the homestretch. Oh God What Is That Smell wins by a nose! Oh God What Is That Smell!"

The comedy podcast called Uhh Yeah Dude does a very funny bit with racehorse names. It's called Horse, Weed, or Mind's Eye. One guy says three words or phrases, and the other guy has to guess which is which — in each set of three, one is a real horse name, one is a real strain of weed sold at the dispensary, and one…

As I don't have enough money for a bunch of racehorses, I'll simply have to start giving fun names to my meager possessions. Henceforth, my stapler will be called "Lucky Tim's Uncle," my exercise bike will be known as "Tuesdays I'm Not Hungover," and my jar of bottlecaps shall answer only to "Roma Downey Junior…

Also, I guess this is an appropriate time as any to bust out this gem from OINTB

A stripper-costume designer who has no problem exploiting the system for free chicken to feed to the animals at the shelter where she volunteers. I like the cut of her jib. Her doubtlessly tiny, be-sequined jib.

Takes from the Publix and gives to the public.