I got super excited by the headline thinking it was a record company issue with Chapman having a new record out at the same time or something. Very disappoint. 

Can we scrap the new Nicki Minaj album in favor of a new Tracy Chapman album?

But he’s so damn fun. His idea of getting ‘crazy’ and ‘lit’ is going bowling. Repeatedly. What an adventure.

I had to google and dear lord fuck that shit

Thank you. Tarantulas can't even kill you. Losers.

I guess once you’ve been married to Tom Cruise, nothing seems scary anymore.

I can smell the Drakkar Noir through my monitor.

That plus she clearly tries to walk it off like nothing just happened

How can anything involving Chris Martin be romantic, though?

The Jonas brothers really contract way above their league.

And filed under ‘always the bridesmaid’, me in life, pictured on the right :/

I hear being gay adjacent is good for property values.

Me on Twitter

Yesterday I got my 3 year old to pee standing up for the first time. He celebrated with us and then began to cry pretty much immediately thereafter. Turns out he had to poop and he was afraid he had to start doing it standing up for the rest of his life.

I just viewed a SNL piece today: a Pete Davidson sketch. He admits to quitting drugs after 8 yrs. The other comedian asks “what do you do with your time now?” PD says he masturbates ALOT - because he has 8 years of drug addled sperm to get rid of. Supposed to be stupid-funny, but just stupid imo.

Burger King: Whoppers with a hollowed-out middle, with all the missing parts on the side. Honestly sounds more like a bagel. Not free.

Mine too! Though the two cups of ice cream I had for second breakfast probably aren’t helping me get there. :(.

In case anyone else recognized, like, two people in that...

Sheesh.

Everything about this video is kind of garbage to me, but his arms look amazing. I want him to sing a song about his arms that just features his arms because then I feel like he’d be keeping it real.